


That Is Not Michael

by Maisie_Ackerman



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, But its Jake and Rich singing, Christine is a saint, Do You Wanna Ride?, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, I'm changing some shit, Internalized Transphobia, Jake and Rich are idiots, Jeremy and Chloe and Brooke Friendship, Jeremy and Christine friendship, Listen Jeremy just becomes really good friends with all the girls, M/M, Mentioned OCs, Michael Should not be giving anyone relationship advice rn, Michael gets Squipped instead of Jeremy, Michael is smart as shit you can't convince me otherwise, Okay but consider this, Pining, The Squip can suck my ass, Trans Boy! Michael Mell, Transphobia, Until they aren't, Who am I kidding definitely smut later, a lot of role swapping, and I don't give a fuck, but fuck if he isn't going to try, cause plot, everyone is fucking pining, probably smut later, so much pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2018-11-17 06:07:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11269527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_Ackerman/pseuds/Maisie_Ackerman
Summary: Michael is squipped instead of Jeremy and Michael's squip has determined that the only reason Jeremy hasn't fallen for him is because Jeremy doesn't see Michael as a potential partner. Why? Because Michael "keeps on insisting that he's a boy"The solution is simple: All Michael has to do is change everything that makes him... well,him.





	1. Just Wanna Survive

So, today was one of those days Jeremy supposed.

It was first period on a monday and Michael’s seat was empty. Jeremy had already texted him to see if he was coming, to which he’d gotten a quick reply back telling him that his best friend was staying home all day to get high in his basement. Jeremy could already tell that was bullshit from how fast Michael had responded at 7:20 in the morning, but he simply shot back a quick “OK, have fun.”

Michael had been pretty on edge while they were hanging out last night so Jeremy was guessing that after he’d left Michael had had some sort of anxiety attack that kept up all night and now he was taking the day to sleep it off.

Jeremy got a handful of emojis back from Michael and smiled, shutting off his phone and pocketing it just as a teacher walked into the room and began quieting everyone down so he could take attendance. It was some substitute that he didn’t recognize so Jeremy just sank in his seat and tried to make himself as invisible as possible until his name was called.

“Jeremy Heere,” was eventually shouted out across the classroom, and Jeremy squeaked out a quick “Here!” in return, which got a few snickers from Rich Goranski and Jake Dillinger who were sitting across the room from him, although whether it was over his last name or the way his voice just cracked, Jeremy had no idea. His face turned red regardless.

Jeremy forced his head down and busied himself doodling in the margins of his notebook to calm down. It was a coping mechanism his therapist taught him and it had worked way better than he thought it would. Not to mention that he was getting pretty good at it, too, if he did say so himself. In the background he could still hear the substitute calling out names for attendance.

“Sarah Henderson… Adam Jacobs… Joshua Khan”

Jeremy was too busy sketching one of the zombies from Apocalypse of the Damned to pay attention. The zombies didn’t look very realistic in the game, just kinda like pixelated lumps of green and gray, so Jeremy embellished the drawing with a little detail and he had to admit, it looked pretty good. Well, as good as a zombie could look anyway.

Jeremy kept his notebook close to him as he shaded in the picture. No one really knew he sketched. Not that it was necessarily a secret because no one really cared enough to ask, but Jeremy always thought it was kinda dorky. The only person who really knew Jeremy liked to draw was Michael, who thought it was about the coolest thing on planet earth.

“Rebecca Lancaster… Dana Logans… Brooke Lohst…”

Class was so boring when Michael was out. Michael didn’t have anxiety problems very often. In fact, he was usually the one helping Jeremy calm down after one of his panic attacks, but every once in awhile he’d have a day, like today, where everything just kinda built up until he exploded. Jeremy always tried to be supportive of his best friend when this happened but Michael didn’t like to talk about it much. He was embarrassed by it, although Jeremy didn’t understand why when Michael had seen him reduced to a hyperventilating mess tons of times.

“Lucas Matthews… Judith McCormick… Mikayla Mell… ”

Jeremy made a mental note to text Michael later to see if he wanted him to come over after school and bring him a slushie and some snacks or something from seven-eleven. Jeremy knew from experience that sleep usually did a pretty good job at calming your nerves, provided you didn’t have any nightmares, so it would probably be fine for Jeremy to come over by then. He knew Michael didn’t really like other people being around when he had a panic attack.

“Mikayla Mell?”

Jeremy heard some snickering on the other side of the room. Crap. They’d called Michael by his birth name again. It didn't happen very often, just sometimes when there was a sub there would be a mix up with the attendance and this would happen. Jeremy hadn't heard it in so long it almost hadn’t registered.

Jeremy looked up to locate the source of the snickering only to see Rich and Jake laughing. Of course… Who else? Rich was in the middle of making some crude boob-related gesture with his hands and Jake had a hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter. Jeremy felt his face go red and his body go rigid.

“Absent then?” The sub shrugged and Jeremy could have just left it and it wouldn’t have really mattered. Michael would never know… but he couldn’t. It mattered to him.

“Actually,” Jeremy squeaked, his voice cracking again from the nerves, “His name is Michael… He’s sick today though.”

There was a brief moment of silence as the sub shrugged and scribbled something on his attendance sheet, and Jeremy suddenly felt like a bug caught under a microscope. He could feel Rich and Jake and everyone else’s eyes on him for the moments of silence that passed, until finally the sub called the next name and everyone continued talking like they normally did. Jeremy let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and shrank in his seat. Only a few eyes still lingered on him for a few more moments and Jeremy quickly buried himself in his sketchbook.

Maybe it was for the best Michael wasn’t here for that…

***

Michael had woken up around one to a text from Jeremy asking him if he wanted him to bring him anything from Seven-Eleven after school. He smiled. Jeremy was the best. He hadn’t told him anything about his panic attack last night but he could tell that Jeremy knew. Jeremy was only ever that understanding about him staying home from school when he knew it had something to do with his anxiety. Otherwise the reply to him staying home to get high wouldn’t have been “have fun,” it would have been something along the lines of “Ugh, u suuuucckkk”

Michael chuckled at the thought. Jeremy was the best…He sent back a quick text asking him if he’d get him a blue-raspberry slushie, ending it was a kissy-winky-face emoji. It took only a moment for Jeremy to respond with “OK” and a smiley face of his own.

***

When Michael woke up again it was to knocking on his backdoor, the one that lead down to his bedroom in the basement. He yawned and pulled himself out of bed. He’d fallen asleep in the same clothes he’d been wearing last night when Jeremy was over playing Apocalypse of the Damned. If he really cared, he’d change in an attempt to make himself look just a little bit better, but he was too tired and decided that pulling on his red pride sweatshirt was good enough.

“Michael,” Jeremy called out from up the stairs, “Wake up already, I have your slushie.”

Michael grinned as he climbed the stairs, unlocking the door and opening it. Michael instantly brightened the moment Jeremy smiled at him, pushing a blue-raspberry slushie into his hands. Michael smiled back, stepping aside so Jeremy could pass. His best friend instantly made himself at home, flopping back on the beanbag chair Michael kept there especially for him. Michael smiled and flopped onto his own beanbag chair, yawning.

“Hey,” Jeremy said, sucking on the straw to his own slushie, “How was getting stoned all day?”

“Fine,” Michael lied, even though they both kinda knew it was a lie, “How was school?”

“Boring,” Jeremy said, looking down at his feet, “You wanna play video games or something?”

Michael smiled and nodded moving over to his Game Cube to get everything set up. Jeremy seemed to be lost in thought as Michael hooked up the game console to his old dusty TV. It was pretty normal for Jeremy to kinda zone out sometimes, so Michael didn’t think much of it until Jeremy spoke up again with:

“I signed us up for the school play.”

Michael nearly spit out his slushie, “You what??”

Jeremy forced a smile that clearly translated to ‘please don’t be mad at me’ but Michael merely gave him a look of his own that translated to ‘explain yourself before I kick you out of my basement.’

“What the hell, dude,” Michael couldn’t help but scowl at his best friend. As much as he loved Jeremy, the last thing he wanted to do when stand up in front of a giant crowd of people with a spotlight on him as he embarrassed the shit out of himself. And having to memorize lines too? On top of school? He was having anxiety just thinking about it, “I thought you said signing up for the school play was social suicide!”

“I know! I know,” Jeremy said quickly, tripping over his words in his nervousness, “It’s just, you see, I saw Christine today, and she signed up for the play so I thought...” He trailed off.

Of fucking course. Michael felt his heart sink in his chest at thought. He was doing this for _her_. Don’t get him wrong. Michael had nothing against Christine Canigula. He had Pre-Calc with her fifth period and she was actually a pretty sweet girl. It was just that Jeremy thought so too apparently. In fact, the way Jeremy saw it angels practically flew out of the girl’s ass. So, as nice as Michael thought Christine was. He couldn’t help but feel just a little… jealous…

“That doesn’t explain why you signed _me_ up,” Michael countered, still angry.

Jeremy looked at him with wide eyes, “I can’t do this without you Michael! I-I’ll make a fool of myself. I’ll fuck everything up! She’ll hate me! You need to help me, Michael. Please. I need my Player-One.”

Jeremy was looking at him with such big, pleading eyes that Michael was convinced Jeremy thought he held his entire fate in the palm of his hands. Why did Jeremy have to make such a big deal out of these types of things? And now he was getting roped into this too… But honestly, what kind of Player-One would he be if he said no?

Michael groaned, “Ugh! Fine! But just until she says yes to a date with you, then I’m dropping out.”

 _Which she will_ … The voice in the back of Michael’s brain helpfully supplied, _because eventually she’ll have to see what an absolutely amazing guy he is_ …

Jeremy’s entire face lit up at this and he immediately started babbling thanks. Michael basked in the praise as much as he could but it didn’t stop the uneasy, heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It felt like a rock and just sat there getting heavier and heavier…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, I'm cis myself and this is my first time really writing a trans character, so please be patient with me and tell me if I fuck anything up. 
> 
> Also I know the girl version of Michael is usually Michelle but I absolutely hate the way Michelle rhymes with Mell and I like to think Michael's parents wouldn't do that to him even if they are kinda bitches in this story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


	2. I Hate Play Rehearsal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I was going to go light on the angst with this but then this happened sooo. I promise the whole story isn't going to be like this.

So this was play rehearsal…Or just outside play rehearsal anyway.

Michael bit his lip and looked up at Jeremy, who was standing next to him, staring down the double doors to the auditorium, half vibrating with excitement and half looking like he was about to pass out from nerves. Michael sighed. He supposed this was why Jeremy wanted him here. He looked inches away from a panic attack.

“Hey, dude,” Michael smiled and placed a hand on Jeremy’s arm, “It’s gonna be fine. You can’t be worse than Chloe anyway. Remember last year?”

Michael chuckled at the thought. Last year no one had been buying tickets to the show and Christine had been pretty upset about it, so Michael and Jeremy’s homeroom teacher had told everyone that he’d give them extra credit if they went to go see the show.

It had been okay. They’d done _A Streetcar Named Desire_ and Christine had played someone named Blanche and done a pretty good job but it was Chloe who had stolen the fucking show. She’d played a girl named Stella Kowalski and the only reason Michael remembered the name is because it had been so wonderfully, amazingly, unforgettably _bad_.

It had been the highlight of Michael’s entire sophomore year, Chloe fucking Valintine up there, -The girl who was usually so put together and thought she was god’s gift to the earth- speaking loud enough that they could probably hear her in China, tripping over her lines, forgetting her cues, creating long awkward pauses, breaking character, the works. By the end, Michael and Jeremy had both decided it was well worth the five bucks for a ticket.

Jeremy chuckled slightly at the memory. After a moment he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, lifting a hand and placing it over Michael’s on his arm, giving it a tight squeeze. When he opened his eyes again, he looked back at Michael and smiled back at him with a bit more confidence, “Okay, I think I’m good… Thanks.”

Michael grinned and hoped his cheeks didn’t look as red as they felt right now.

Michael was about to suggest they go inside before someone came along and saw them staring down the auditorium doors like a couple of weirdos when he felt a light pressure on his back and jumped in surprise. He almost turned around to see who it was but a hand grabbed his shoulder to stop him from moving before he could.

When the hand finally let Michael go he turned around to see none other that Rich Goranski and Jake Dillinger smirking at them, each with a shit-eating smirk on their face and a sharpie in hand. A quick glance over at Jeremy’s red and startled face told him that Jeremy almost definitely got the same treatment he did, although what exactly that was, Michael had no idea.

“Wash that off and you’re dead, tall-ass,” Rich shouted in Jeremy’s face, only causing Jeremy’s face to look even more panicked and turn an even deeper shade of red. Michael felt red, hot rage pool in his stomach. Rich was always doing this. Michael knew for a fact that Jeremy had never done anything to the shorter boy, but Rich still treated him like human garbage.

Michael glared Rich down and slotted himself in between the Rich and Jeremy.

“Why don’t you fuck off, shortstack,” Michael shot back, although he didn’t really know where that level of confidence came from. This wasn’t the first time Michael had seen Jeremy getting picked on, usually he just didn’t have the guts to do anything about it.

As soon as the word ‘short’ left Michael’s lips, both Rich and Jake’s faces went red. Under normal circumstances, Michael would have thought it was odd, Jake being visibly insulted by a comeback directed at Rich, but seeing as how that anger was directed at Michael, Michael’s brain wasn’t exactly in the mindset of filing this type of information away for a later date.

Rich seemed seconds away from punching Michael in the face, but for some reason, and Michael couldn’t figure out why, he refrained from doing so. Instead he stood there for a moment, thinking, as if trying to think up a comeback that would really sting. When he seemed to come up with something, Michael felt his stomach jolt. For some reason he felt as though he’d rather Rich just punch him and get it over with.

Slowly a smirk made it’s way across Rich’s face as he locked eyes with Jeremy.

“What’s the matter, Jere?” Rich taunted, “Can’t stick up for yourself? You need _Mikayla_ here to defend you?” He gave a low chuckle, “looks like _neither_ of you are a real man.”

The moment the words reached his ears, Michael’s heart felt as though it had stopped in his chest. He imagined his face looked even paler than Jeremy’s usually did because it felt as though all the blood in his body had pooled in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t help but think that Rich’s words stung more than getting punched in the face. Michael vaguely registered that Jeremy was saying something back at Rich and Jake, obviously stuttering over his words as he did, but Michael didn’t really catch what it was.

Rich and Jake seemed satisfied with their work, because those stupid, shit-eating grins were plastered back on their faces as the brushed past Michael and Jeremy to enter the auditorium behind them, letting the doors swing closed with a heavy thud.

Jeremy glared down the door for a few more moments, still seething in anger. Jeremy couldn’t believe Rich had just said that! What gave them the right? It was one thing for them to poke fun at Jeremy for being skinny and tall and social awkward, but to insult Michael like that..! Jeremy was so furious his entire body was shaking with it.

It took Jeremy about half a second to calm down when he realized Michael hadn’t moved a muscle since those words left Rich’s mouth. Michael’s eyes were still trained on the spot where Rich had been standing, as if in a daze.

Jeremy bit his lip nervously as he placed a hand gently on Michael’s shoulder, “Michael? You okay? Come on, Rich is a jerk, we both know that...”

Jeremy looked down at Michael feeling a bit helpless. He knew Michael had problems with this type of thing. Michael never felt comfortable in his own skin. He hated his body and felt fucking useless to do anything about it. His parents already disapproved of his clothing and pronoun choices -his mom especially- and since the state of New Jersey required parental consent for minors to undergo hormone therapy, Michael wasn’t on Testosterone or anything.

He used a chest binder at school and when he went out in public but he bitterly complained about how it barely made a difference, having been cursed with the curves he had, which was why he was always wearing large sweatshirts and hoodies to cover them. His hair was short and swept back off his face, but Jeremy knew how much Michael hated the softness of his jawline and how high-pitched his voice was and how feminine the curve of his hips looked.

Jeremy had done some digging online and found out there was a name for it. It was called Gender Dysphoria and Jeremy swore it was the source of a big part of Michael’s anxiety. So, yeah, Jeremy was well aware that this type of thing fucking crushed Michael.

Michael was shaking under Jeremy’s hand and the color had returned to his face, but now he was red, embarrassment and shame written all over his face. Jeremy sighed. Crap.

“Do you… wanna just go home?” He suggested, “We can forget the whole play thing, it was a stupid idea anyway...”

Michael was about to nod his head yes when he heard a soft, cheerful voice speak up from just a few feet in front of them.

“Jeremy! Michael!” Michael looked up to see Christine Canigula standing there, a dazzling smile stretched across her face, as if seeing them there was just as exciting as being told she’d won an all-expense paid trip to the Bahamas.

Great. Michael thought. Not only was he in the midst of having a emotional breakdown in the middle of the hallway, but _Christine_ of all people was going to be there to witness it. Jeremy immediately went rigid at his side, a awkward looking smile forced onto his face as he grit his teeth and ground a nervous greeting.

Christine gave a small gasp as she approached, “Oh my gosh! Are you guys auditioning for the school play!?” The girl might as well have stars in her eyes, the way she was looking up at Jeremy, her body practically vibrating with excitement.

“Well, we, um,” Jeremy looked at Christine and then back at Michael, his gaze flitting between the two of them for a few moments, trying to decided what to do. He didn’t wanna force Michael into doing something he wasn’t comfortable with right now, but Christine… She looked so excited at the idea of him auditioning for the play. Jeremy still couldn’t get over the fact that she remembered his name... Well, they had known each other since seventh grade, but still…

Jeremy, however, was spared having to make a decision at all because Christine had been watching his eyes flit back and forth and the look on Michael’s face instantly caught her attention. She frowned, her excitement seeming to vanish into thin air, replaced by concern almost instantly.

“Hey, Michael are you alright? What’s wrong?” Christine asked and Michael silently cursed himself as he felt his eyes water. Crap. What was with people and asking other people if they were alright when they clearly weren't?? Didn’t anyone understand that it was literally impossible to keep your composure when someone asked you that?? Michael blinked furiously to try and combat the tears threatening to spill at any moment, but it was a losing battle.

Christine gasped softly, taking one of Michael’s hands in both of hers. Michael stared at her in surprise. It wasn’t like he and Christine were strangers but they weren’t exactly best friends either. But that didn’t seem to matter to Christine because she smiled at him gently, rubbing soothing circles over his knuckles with her thumbs, “Hey! It’s okay! There’s no crying at play rehearsal! What happened?”

She was always like this. Christine was just so unquestioningly kind and patient and it was comforting but at the same time it made Michael's stomach knot up tightly. God, no wonder Jeremy liked her so much. Michael quickly pulled his hand out of Christine’s grip and wiped his face before crossing his arms across his chest, hunching in on himself slightly and averting his gaze.

“... It’s complicated” Jeremy explained quickly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at his sneakers. Michael silently thanked him for it. The last thing he wanted to do was explain what just happened to Christine of all people, “W-we were just heading home...”

“Oh,” Christine frowned, still looking concerned, but also disappointed now, “You two aren’t staying for auditions?” Jeremy shook his head and Christine sighed, “Shame. Play rehearsal is really fun, I think you’d really enjoy it, Jeremy.”

She offered Jeremy a sweet smile and, if it were possible, Michael was sure Jeremy would have blushed more.

“Y-yeah,” Jeremy said, sounding disappointed as well as he glanced up to meet Christine’s gaze, “Well, maybe next year, ya know?”

Jeremy offered Christine a jerky wave goodbye as she slipped into the auditorium. As soon as she disappeared, Jeremy let out a dreamy sigh. However, he snapped out of it a moment later, turning away and placing a hand on Michael’s arm with a soft, “Come on, let’s get out of here” as he started back down the hallway, towards the exit. Michael stared up at his best friend and Jeremy offered him a small, understanding smile in return.

And that’s when something inside Michael snapped.

“Wait,” Michael forced out, coming to a sudden spot in the middle of the hallway and placing a hand on Jeremy’s arm to force him to a stop as well. Jeremy looked back at him with concern and confusion apparent in his eyes.

“Michael? What-” Jeremy started, but Michael cut him off.

“Go.”

“What?” Jeremy looked even more confused as Michael shook his head at him.

“Go audition for the school play,” Michael insisted, looking at his white sneakers rather than his friend's face. “Christine, she was… _flirting_ with you. Now’s your chance… Go.”

“Wait what!?” Jeremy’s face lit up once more as he glance back at the door, “She was-...? You think-..? _Flirting_!?” Jeremy looked at him unbelievingly, when Michael nodded, Jeremy’s face lit up with one of the biggest grins Michael had ever seen his best friend wear before. But just as quickly, it was gone, and worry came over Jeremy’s face instead as he glanced back down at Michael, “But... Micheal, if you wanna go home, we should go. I don’t wanna ditch you after all that. We can just go get high in your basement or something.”

And that was the problem. Jeremy was just so… amazing. Christine was right on the other side of that door. The perfect girl. The girl of Jeremy’s dreams, and she was _flirting_ with him. She wanted him to audition for the school play with her, and Jeremy was going to walk away from that for _him_.

It didn’t sit right with Michael. He liked Jeremy. He _really_ liked Jeremy, but the fact was Jeremy didn’t want him. At least, not in the same way he wanted Jeremy. To him, Michael was just his best friend, and if that’s all he saw him as, then Michael supposed he’d take what he could get. And that meant putting Jeremy’s happiness before his own… Just like he was trying to do for him right now.

“I'm fine,” Michael insisted, forcing a smile onto his face, “I swear I’ll be fine, dude, see? I’m just going to head to the bathroom to wash my face and I’ll meet you in there.”

Jeremy seemed to hesitate for a moment frowning, “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” He insisted, “Now go get her.”

Jeremy looked back at the auditorium door, a smile lighting his face once more, He glanced back at Michael throwing an arm around his shoulder in a quick half-hug and gave his shoulder a gentle punch as he pulled away.

“Thanks, Michael,” He said quickly as Michael waved him off with his hand, before jogging off towards the auditorium.

As soon as Jeremy was out of sight Michael’s smile vanished. This sucked. Michael could still feel his hands shaking from Rich’s words earlier but it was worse now that he’d just sent Jeremy off to go flirt with just about the sweetest girl in the entire school. And as much as he just wanted to go home, watch a stupid documentary and pass out, he couldn’t do that. He was stuck here for Jeremy’s sake.

Which meant he had to go look for a fucking bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Rich and Jake get better. Like way better. I swear.  
> (And for those of you who are curious, Rich doesn't just punch Michael when he calls him short because in Rich's mind he's thinking "I can't hit a girl" cuz he's a fucking idiot rn) 
> 
> Also Christine is an angel on earth I s2g I love her ❤❤


	3. It's From Japan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 chapters written in the past 2 days and I'm already working on number 4????? Why can't I work this efficiently on my original works???? Instead I'm over here rewriting the same chapter over and over again for the past three years??? Wht????  
> Anywho I'm just really pumped about this story so here's the next chapter. It's a bit more light-hearted than the last one.
> 
> (Parts of this chapter inspired by: https://youtu.be/CbfjLRTgTWU )

Michael hadn't used a girl’s bathroom since he’d come out as trans in the eighth grade. New Jersey law was pretty wishy-washy when it came to transgender bathroom laws, so Michael was lucky enough to live in a school district that supported trans kids’ rights to use the bathroom of the gender they identified as.

Still, if Michael had to give girls credit for anything, their bathrooms sure were cleaner than guys’.

The first thing Michael did as soon as he made it to the bathroom was head for the sink. He turned on the cold water and cupped his hands underneath the spray before splashing the water in his face. He shivered at the coldness of it.

It felt good though.

He felt his muscles start to relax and the tension begin to leave his shoulder. He could do this. He just had to read a couple lines and act like Rich and Jake’s presence didn't bother him for about a half hour until it was time to go home. He could do that much for Jeremy.

After everything Jeremy had done for him and after everything Jeremy had supported him through, he deserved that much.

Michael took a deep breath and looked in the mirror, adjusting his glasses and sweeping his hair out of his face before putting on a determined face and steeling himself up to brave the auditorium.

The tension in his body returned as soon as he heard the bathroom door slam open.

Michael’s first thought was that Jeremy had gotten nervous and come looking for him, but Jeremy never _slammed_ anything. Not even when he was mad. Jeremy hated loud noises. He couldn’t even stand the fire alarm during drills. He always scrunched in on himself and covered his ears, even though he thought it looked lame he couldn't help it. Michael always thought it looked kinda cute though...

It was only when Michael heard the mumbling and saw the figure of the person who’d entered the bathroom did he figured out who it was. As soon as he did, Michael tensed even further.

It was Rich.

Michael kept his head down and prayed that Rich would head straight for a urinal or a stall or whatever and give him a chance to escape, but of course, the universe apparently hated him so that didn't happen. Instead, Rich made his way over to the stall directly behind him and leaned against it, staring at Michael’s reflection in the mirror.

Michael gulped.

“Hey,” Rich grumbled, frowning at him. He looked Michael up and down for a moment, as if evaluating him before determining, “You’re kinda a loser, ya know that?”

Michael didn’t really respond, just kinda shuffled over to the paper towel dispenser and started drying his hands. When Michael didn't say anything Rich spoke up again, “You know you wouldn't be such a loser if you weren't like this all the time.”

Rich said it so matter-a-factly Michael couldn't help but scoff, “like what? Trans and gay? Sorry to burst your bubble but I like myself the way I am, thanks.”

“Liar, no loser likes themselves the way they are,” Rich scowled and Michael’s frown grew. He wasn’t technically wrong. Michael was lying about liking himself the way he was but he was pretty such what he was thinking of and what Rich meant were two very different things.

“How would you know?” Michael countered, moving towards the door, “You don’t know anything about being a loser.”

“Yes I do!” Rich’s face turned red and rage seemed to bubble up in him out of nowhere. Michael inched further towards the door, ready to make a run for it but apparently Rich noticed because he suddenly shouted, “STOP MOVING!!” at him, a hint of a lisp making it’s way into his voice.

Michael froze in place as Rich inched closer, looking him over once again, his eyes narrow, “you don't remember me freshmen year, do you…” He said finally.

Michael stared back at him in confusion.“You didn't go here freshmen year.”

Michael was sure of it. He distinctly remembered the day Rich Goranski showed up and started tormenting him and Jeremy and it wasn't until Sophomore year. However this statement only seemed to cause the rage in Rich’s eyes bubbled up more because he grabbed Michael by the collar of his hoodie and pulling him closer.

“Y-Yes I did!!” Rich insisted, his lisp more prominent now, “See, _You_ just didn’t notice!!” Rich let go of Michael’s sweatshirt, stepping back, a hint of sadness in his voice as he muttered, “Nobody did…”

“What?” Michael stammered, beyond confused at this point.  
Rich seemed to take a moment to compose himself before speaking again, his lisp gone this time, “I know what it's like to be a loser because, believe it or not, freshmen year, I was just like you.” Rich looked him up and down once more and smirked, “Well… maybe not _just_ like you, but you get the point. I was a fucking dweeb.”

Michael gave Rich a deadpan look, trying to tell him to get to the fucking point already, but Rich didn't seem to notice. Or, if he did, he chose to ignore him. Michael sighed. If there had been a camera in that bathroom, Michael would have stared into it like Jim on _The Office_.

“See as cool as I am now, freshman year, I had no girlfriend, no friends, no sense of style, I was _hopeless_ ” Rich continued, saying all this as if it was something Michael should be able to relate to, “My point is-” ( _Finally_ , Michael thought), “-I had some help getting me from point A to point B.”

Michael raised an eyebrow, “okay? Why are you telling me this?”

“Just shut up and listen, dumbass,” Rich snarled and Michael shut his mouth. Rich was small and he did seem like he was trying to be civil, but truth be told, Michael was a little bit afraid of him, “I’m trying to tell you that I got help from one of these.”

Rich dug around in his pants pocket for a few moments before pulling something out in his clenched fist. He shoved it towards Michael and Michael flinched on reflex, convinced Rich was going to hit him. However, nothing happened. Instead, Rich simply unclenched his fist to reveal a tiny, gray pill, sitting in the middle of his open palm.

“... What is it?” Michael asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“That, my friend,” Rich smirked, “is a SQUIP.”

Michael looked at him unimpressed. It sounded fake. Whatever Rich was trying to pull here, Michael wasn't falling for it.

“A SQUIP?” He repeated, eyebrow raised, his arms folded across his chest.

“A Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor,” Rich explained, “It's an analogy.”

“You mean an acronym?”

“Don't correct me,” Rich warned, “This shit is the reason I’m not still stuck on the bottom of the high school food chain like you're sorry ass. It's the reason I dress better, act cooler and am ten times more interesting than I ever was before. It's the most amazing thing ever.”

Michael gave him a skeptical look, “If it's so amazing then why haven’t I ever heard of it before?”

“That’s the point!” Rich exclaimed, as if this should be obvious, “This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.” Rich leaned in and lowered his voice as if sharing some monumental secret as he whispered, “It's from _Japan_.”

“Jesus Christ,” Michael groaned.

“Listen, tall-ass!” Rich shouted, although the insult didn't make that much sense when applied to Michael, since he was only, like, 5’6” but he suppose everyone looked pretty tall to Rich, “This! This is the latest Quantum Nanotechnology! It's a supercomputer that travels through your blood and implants in your brain!”

Michael physically cringed at the idea, rubbing the back of his head at the mere thought of it, “That sounds painful…”

“It is,” Rich explained with a slight wave of his hand, “but it’s worth it, because once it's there it can communicate with you and change everything!”

“Changes everything how?” Michael asked.

Rich smirked and spread his arms as if unveiling some grand reveal as he said, “It tells you how to be _cool_.”

"Yeah, Okay, Bye." Michael frowned and turned to leave the bathroom.

“Hey!” Rich cried, rushing over to stop him, “Where are you going!?”

“I’m leaving” Michael explained, shooting Rich a soar look, “you're obviously fucking with me and even if you weren't I don't care about being cool.”

“Wait! Stop!!” Rich slammed the door to the bathroom closed again before Michael had a chance to leave, pressing his body up against it to block him. Michael glared down at him and Rich sighed in exasperation. “Look, I get why you think I’m fucking with you and I apologize for treating you like human garbage all the time, I was only doing it because my SQUIP said that I had to.” Rich looked up at Michael almost pleadingly as he continued, “but now he's saying that you're not such a bad guy. That… you might want a SQUIP of your own..?”

Michael stared down at Rich unblinking as he replied, “Pass.”

Rich glared up at him as he muttered, “Fine...” He stepped away from the door and allowed Michael room to leave, “but just so you know, a SQUIP has other functions besides just showing you how to be cool…”

Michael scoffed as he opened the door, “Yeah? Like what?”

“It can get Jeremy to fall in love with you.”

***

Michael felt like an idiot about five seconds after leaving the bathroom with a SQUIP in hand.

Fuck. Why'd he let Rich talk him into this? It was just… As soon as he mentioned Jeremy he sounded so convincing. Or maybe Michael had just wanted to believe there was some miracle pill that could magically make Jeremy Heere fall in love with him. Whatever the case may be, Michael felt like a sucker, and also a hundred bucks poorer…

Michael stared down at the little plastic baggy Rich had given him and sighed. He might as well have just flushed that money down the toilet right there in the boy’s bathroom. And not only had he wasted his money, but his time too. Now auditions were almost over and Jeremy was probably freaking out wondering what happened to him.

Michael pocketed the SQUIP and made his way to the auditorium. At least it was a Friday, so he wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit again until Monday.

On that note, he walked over to the auditorium doors, rehearsing his excuse for being so late, making sure to use that (A) Jeremy wouldn't get mad at him over and (B) Didn't involve him wasting a hundred bucks on a fake drug that he'd bought in hopes of getting Jeremy to fall in love with him.

When Michael finally made it to the double doors of the auditorium, he took a deep breath, trying to make himself look as chill as possible as he opened the door.

He expected Jeremy to look worried. He expected him to be checking the door ever so often in anticipation of his sentence. He expected Jeremy to be wondering where he was.

What Michael found instead, was Jeremy, sitting on the edge of the stage, a huge smile plastered across his face as Christine talked animatedly about something Michael couldn't hear. Michael watched as Christine spun around from where she was standing and crossed over to Jeremy and placed one of her hands over his. Jeremy blushed and nodded, apparently agreeing with whatever she had just said and gave a shaky laugh.

He was… _fine_ on his own. He had this. He didn't need Michael after all… He wasn't even worried about him… Michael couldn't help the scowl that settled on his lips as he backed out of the auditorium and let the door fall shut behind him.

***

As Michael sat in his PT cruiser, staring at the steering wheel in front of him and feeling stupid, he couldn't help but wonder what it must be like to be Christine Canigula.

 _Her life must be so simple…_ Michael thought bitterly. Christine probably had probably never felt as though she’d been born in the wrong body. She probably felt perfectly comfortable with all her womanly curves and round hips and boobs. She was confident with her femininity. She was just so sweet and caring and girly… That was the kind of thing Jeremy liked Michael supposed. And that was exactly the kind of thing Michael wasn't.

God, why couldn't he have just been born normal?

Michael sighed as he shoved his hand in his pocket and dug out the small gray pill Rich had given him. Rich’s words still rang in his ears.

“Oh please, don't act so surprised, you practically have heart eyes every time you look at him. It's pretty fucking obvious,” Rich had said, “But this pill can help with that. After it’s implanted in your brain, it’ll know exactly what you want and it’ll tell you what you need to do to get it. Just listen to what it's telling you and Jeremy will be all yours.”

Michael frowned, throwing the pill onto his dashboard. There was no way that could be true. He was such a moron for listening to Rich of all people.

Michael leaned back in his chair and stared back at the school through his rearview mirror.

 _But wouldn't it be nice if it was true_? He couldn't help the thoughts that kept entering his brain. Like what it would be like to hold Jeremy’s hand for longer than a few seconds, and not in a strictly platonic sense. Or what it would be like to kiss him. To feel Jeremy’s lips moving against his own. Or what it might be like to hear Jeremy say he loves him. And not in just a joking manner, either. To have Jeremy look him in the eyes, that sweet blush spread out across his cheeks as he whispered the words, “I love you, Michael,” in a hushed voice.

“Fuck it,” Michael spat, grabbing the gray oblong pill off his dash and a bottle of Mountain Dew from his cup holder and downed the pill in one go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously considered making you guys wait at least another 24 hours before posting this but I took a cue from Michael and decided fuck it.
> 
> But yeah, Michael's not taking any of Rich's shit and I love it. 
> 
> Also I see a lot of myself in Jeremy so I like to headcannon that he has a shit ton of sensory issues like I do. So he can't stand loud noises and certain sounds and textures bother him a lot (like chalkboard chalk, he can't stand the feel or sound of it. Neither can I, it kills meeeee) and he's really squeamish when it comes to blood and gore and stuff, although he doesn't mind when it's animated, like in a drawing or in a video game, only when it's in real life or super realistic.


	4. Mika

Michael wasn't really sure what he'd been expecting but the nothing that did happen did a pretty good job of living up to expectations.

“Real amazing supercomputer, Rich,” Michael muttered sarcastically as he turned the key in the ignition, “ _Real_ super.”

When Michael got home, he went around to the backdoor that lead down to his room in the basement. He could go through the front if he wanted to. There was a door inside that lead down as well, but the last thing Michael felt like dealing with right now was his parents. He knew his dad probably wasn't around this time a day anyway, but his mom was always home, which sucked since she was the one Michael avoided the most.

As soon as Michael shut the door behind him he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Michael pulled it out and unlocked it (Passcode: 0420) to see he had nine new messages and a missed call, from “Player 2” A.K.A. Jeremy.

 **Player 2:** Where are u??

 **Player 2:** Did u go home????

 **Player 2:** Well, ur cars gone so I guess that answers that...

 **Player 2:** U said u were going 2 come 2 the auditorium, wht happened?

 **Player 2:** R u ok?

 **Player 2:** Dude??

 **Player 2:** Ugh, Im gonna assume ur not answering because ur driving

 **Player 2:** Just

 **Player 2:** Call me back when u get this ok

A small smile crept its way onto Michael's face. Why did Jeremy have to be so ridiculously sweet all the time? It made Michael’s heart clench almost unbearably tight. Even when it seemed like everything was going to shit, Jeremy was still the most amazing best friend ever. It made him feel greedy for wanting more but he couldn’t help it.

Michael shut off his phone and shoved it back into his pocket, making a mental note to call Jeremy later. For now he felt like taking a shower, getting food and watching porn.

Michael left his backpack by the stairs and toed his sneakers off, kicking them off into the corner. As Michael set down his backpack for the first time he noticed something scribbled on the back of it in black sharpie. Immediately he realized this must be what Jake and Rich had written on his back earlier. He narrowed his eyes and inspected it.

“Riends” Michael raised an eyebrow in confusion. What did that even mean? He shock his head and decided it didn’t matter. Rich and Jake were idiots.

Upstairs he could hear the shuffling of feet on the living room carpet and the whirring of a vacuum moving across the floor, so his mom was definitely home. Michael’s dad hated cleaning.

The next thing to go was Michael’s red hoodie because it was always just a little to warm in his basement in the spring and summer. There was really no temperature regulation in Michael’s basement bedroom because it was originally built to just be storage space, but the previous owners of the house had turned it into a fourth bedroom, which Michael had claimed when he was thirteen and turned it into his own personal hideaway. Even his parents barely bothered him down here, which was nice. The only other person who really came down here besides Michael himself was Jeremy.

Michael headed to the bathroom off his bedroom, turning the knob to produce a lukewarm shower and stripping off the rest of his clothes. He let out a sigh of relief when he unhooked his binder and released the uncomfortable pressure on his chest. Binding really helped with his dysphoria, but he’d be lying if he said he enjoyed the chest pains and discomfort.

Michael didn’t keep any mirrors in his room really. Just the one in the bathroom to do his hair in the mornings and stuff, but other than that, he didn’t really bother with them. Looking at himself in the mirror for too long made him start to pick out everything he didn’t like about himself and he’d heard enough lectures from Jeremy to know it wasn’t good to do that to himself. But still, when he passed the mirror above the sink in his bathroom, it was hard not to stop and frown at his naked reflection.

He remembered watching a documentary on Youtube once about weight loss and how just dieting without exercise is counterintuitive since the strain it puts on you psychologically can actually lead you to gain weight and while it was interesting this one part of the video really stuck with him. They were talking about fat in your body and how women had it easier than men because they carried the majority of their fat in their chest and hips while men carried it in their gut. And it wasn’t that Michael hated his weight. In fact, he kinda liked it. When he curled up to sleep his own pudginess was warm and inviting. It’s just that he hated where that pudginess was placed. He didn’t like that he had big boobs and round hips, and he hated the slight intake around his weight. It was the kinda hourglass figure a lot of people admired on girls and maybe Michael would have appreciated it if he actually _was_ a girl, despite what his body suggested and what his mom said, and what the kids at his school thought apparently now too, he wasn’t.

Michael opened the medicine cabinet above his sink so that the mirror was facing away from him and turned to climb in the shower instead.

***

By the time Michael had checked everything off his to-do list, (shower, food, porn) things were... better. Or at least he didn’t feel like complete crap and he felt like he was up to calling Jeremy back so he grabbed his phone and pressed the phone app, selecting Jeremy’s number.

Michael and Jeremy don’t usually call. They usually text each other like normal teens do, but they’d gotten into the habit of calling lately because Jeremy hates the phone. And no, this was not Michael’s way of teasing Jeremy over his social anxiety, it’s just that Jeremy was stupid broke and needed to get a job, and that meant picking up the phone to set up interviews and such.

Michael had offered to get him a job at the electronics store where he worked, but Jeremy had refused on the grounds that his manager, Kelsey, had once yelled at him for knocking over a CD display and scared the shit out of him. To be fair to Kelsey, though, she was usually pretty chill and laid back, it’s just that she was a junior in college and it had been right in the middle of finals week when it had happened. She’d felt terrible about yelling at him and had apologized profusely after Michael had calmed him down from a panic attack because of it, but Jeremy hadn’t returned to Michael’s work since.

But since Jeremy was too nervous to even enter Michael’s work, that meant phones, which gave Jeremy anxiety as well, although more manageably so, so Michael was helping him practice by calling him when he wanted to talk, and it seemed to work because Jeremy had gotten considerably less stuttery and nervous over the past few weeks, and Michael was sure he’d be ready to start applying places soon.

It took three rings for Jeremy to pick up.

“Michael,” Jeremy answers, sounding half exciting and half worried.

Michael chuckles in response, “Is that how you’re going to answer when Stop and Shop calls you?”

He can practically hear Jeremy roll his eyes on the other end of the line, before responding, “Hello, Jeremy Heere speaking,” he says in a monotone voice, making Michael laugh.

“Hey dude it’s me,” He responds, even though he knows Jeremy already knows. But hey, practice makes perfect and Jeremy was the one who asked for his help in the first place.

“Yes, I realize,” Jeremy sighs exasperatedly, “Happy now?”

“Extremely,” Michael assured him.

Jeremy groaned in annoyance, making Michael laugh even more. He could hear the squeaks of the springs in Jeremy’s mattress as the other boy flopped back on his bed, “Well, if you’re done with the formalities, why’d you disappear earlier? You said you were just going to the bathroom and then you never showed up again… What happened?”

Michael wasn’t about to tell Jeremy that he’d gotten jealous after seeing him with Christine. Nor was he about to tell him he’d let Rich sucker him out of a hundred bucks either so he settled for a half truth, “I stopped by but you were already talking to Christine and it seemed to be going well, if I had walked in then, it would have totally killed the mood. I wasn’t about to cockblock my best bro.”

“Yeah, but what about the rest of the play?” Jeremy sounded worried, “What if I say something stupid? What if I can’t keep this up. Oh god, I can’t do this Michael.”

Michael allowed himself a deep frown since Jeremy couldn’t see it, “Well, you don’t have to do this. Of course, I’ll mock you forever if you don’t.”

“Oh gee thanks,” Jeremy said sarcastically, there was a beat of silence before Jeremy spoke up again, “Hey it’s friday, you wanna come over and play video games or something?”

Michael smiled thankful for the change in subject. He felt immature for being annoyed at Jeremy’s obsessing over Christine, but he couldn’t help it. He knew Jeremy should be able to talk to him about this kind of thing. That’s what best friends were for and after everything Michael had laid on him over the years, it seemed only fair that Michael be there for Jeremy through his first real crush, but still… It felt wrong.

“Yeah, okay,” Michael said, “I’m be over in, like, five.”

“Okay cool,” Michael could hear Jeremy smile on the other end before he hung up.

Michael pulled on the same clothes he’d wore to school that day. Well, everything except the binder. He’d already wore it all day at school and throughout that whole play auditions mess so he knew if he showed up at Jeremy’s with it on, Jeremy would start bitching at him about how he was only supposed to wear it for eightish hours a day. And since was just Jeremy, and Michael was comfortable enough around him to go without it, he settled for a sports bra instead and grabbed his bag, heading to the door. Not that Michael really needed his school stuff right now, he just kept some really hella snacks in there all the time and Jeremy’s house had exactly jack shit to eat, so both he and Jeremy would be grateful for it.

Climbing the stair, Michael had almost reached the door when he heard the door to his room open and close and heard him mom call him.

“Mika?” She called, which was better than Mikayla, but still not Michael. However Michael supposed that was the best he’d get for now, “Are you going out again?”

“Yeah, mom,” He called back, backtracking down the steps once again to look his mom in the face, “Why?”

Michael’s mom was an inch or two taller than him with long brown hair and tanned skin, just like Michael. She was skinnier than Michael though and nicer to look at he supposed. She was kinda young for a mom and was shapely and had a pretty face, although whenever she looked at Michael she looked like she’d just tasted something sour. Se looked like she wanted to say something about his hair or clothes or pronouns or gender for the millionth time, but she didn’t. Instead she ask, “Where are you going?”

“Jeremy’s,” Michael’s answer was clipped and kinda cold but things hadn’t exactly been warm and fuzzy between the two of them for awhile now anyway, “We’re gonna play some video games and stuff.”

“Oh,” his mom replied, “When are you going to be home?”

“I don’t know,” Michael shrugged, “I might sleepover or something.”

Michael tried to slip it in there as casually as possible so that his mom wouldn’t notice but of course she did and gave him that ‘We’ve-Been-Over-This’ look Michael just loved in the most sarcastic way possible.

“Yeah, fat chance, Mika,” his mom shook her head, “be home by eight, okay?”

Michael frowned, he was almost tempted to demand why not, but he knew the answer well enough to know arguing would get him squat. It was so fucking stupid. Michael and Jeremy had been friends for twelve years, and they had never once had a sleepover. Ever. And even worse was because it was for the same reason they weren’t allowed to have any in the third grade: Michael’s mom didn’t approve of boy-girl sleepovers. Which was about the dumbest thing Michael had ever heard in his life for two reasons.

First, the obvious, was that it wouldn’t even be a boy-girl sleepover because Michael was a boy. Making it a boy-boy sleepover, but of course his mom was still struggling to accept that making Michael’s life ten times harder because of it.

Second, Michael didn’t even get how his mom even though Jeremy still counted in this scenario. Sure he was a guy, but it was Jeremy. They’d known each other since they were literally five years old. Jeremy wasn’t going to fuck him or anything. And yeah, Michael had a crush on Jeremy, but Michael’s mom didn’t know that and even if she did, him having a crush did not mean that anything was ever going to happen.

Michael sighed and frowned further, “Right, eight, got it.”

Michael was about to turn away again when he hear his mom call, “I love you, Mika.”

He sighed and called back, “Love you too, mom” before rushing out the door, all the while wondering when she’d stop saying how much she loved Mika, and start loving Michael instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the bmc script today and it killed me. I died. Michael is so good. 
> 
> But yeah, some things are obviously different from how they play out in the musical, but I don't care. Oh well. 
> 
> Also Michael's mom sucks. She's kinda good intentioned but she thinks she knows Michael better than she really does. She gets worse before she gets better. :/ 
> 
> Also sorry this took so long I was camping :3


	5. Two-Player Game / The Squip Enters

It took exactly seven hundred and eighty-three steps to walk from Michael’s basement bedroom to Jeremy’s front door. Michael had walked the two blocks to Jeremy’s house enough times that it was practically second nature.

When he arrived, Jeremy must have been waiting for him because he didn’t even have to knock and Jeremy was opening the door and smiling at him. Michael smiled in return, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach like they always did when Jeremy smiled at him like that.

“Hey,” Michael said, following Jeremy inside and kicking his shoes off near the door, “how was play auditions.”

“Fine I guess,” Jeremy shrugged, leading the way upstairs to his bedroom, “Christine said she thought I did good. We’re doing a Midsummer Night’s Dream or something like that. Christine’s hoping to play one of the main girls, Hermia I think it was.”

“So you think you might be getting into Theater now or something?” Michael smirked.

Jeremy’s cheeks reddened just slightly as he shrugged, shutting his bedroom door behind them, “I don’t know… I mean, it was fun- fucking terrifying, but fun. I mean, no one laughed when I was done or anything, and oh! Ya know Brooke Lohst?”

“Who doesn’t?” Michael huffed. Brooke was, like, the second hottest girl in school. Next to Chloe Valentine, although Michael thought he liked Brooke more. She seemed nicer.

“Yeah, she came up to me after my audition and told me I did really good,” Jeremy said, like he couldn’t quite believe it himself.

“Really?” Michael grinned. He knew how much Jeremy wanted to be accepted by the popular kids at their school, so something like this, even if it was small and silly, meant a lot to him, so naturally Michael was happy for him, “That’s great! What’d you say?”

“Eh, I kinda froze and stuttered for a bit,” Jeremy answered rubbing the back of his neck, “But she just giggled and said I was _cute_. A hot girl said I was _cute_ , Michael, _cute_!”

Jeremy had grabbed Michael by the arm and was shaking him now. Michael laughed. She wasn’t wrong. Jeremy got all red and fidgety whenever he got nervous and it was the second cutest thing in the world. The first cutest was when he got all excited like he was now.

“Okay, mister popular,” Michael teased, pushing Jeremy gently in the direction of the Xbox. “You wanna play _Apocalypse of the Damned_ or what?”

“Yeah yeah, I’m going, pushy, you got the game?” Jeremy teased back as Michael fished the video game case out of his backpack. Jeremy took it, smiling as he walked over to his TV, popping the disc out of it case and siding it into place in the console.

Even at Jeremy’s house Michael claimed the player one controler. Not that Michael had a control complex or anything, Michael just knew all the game’s secret tricks better than Jeremy did, and Jeremy didn’t really care either way. It didn’t really matter to either of them. It wasn’t about who was number one and who was number two with them. They were a team.

Jeremy backed away from the TV, taking his own controller and sitting at Michael's side, a huge grin painted on his face as the screen lite up with bloody red letters just above the main menu, accompanied by the familiar start-up music and a deep electronic voice introducing the game.

“ _Apocalypse of the Damned!_ ” Michael said right along with the game, Making his voice as deep as possible to intimidate the game. Jeremy grinned at him as he selected their saved game, their newest level popping up on the screen.

“Level nine…” he said sounding determined, shooting Michael a knowing look.

“The Cafetorium,” they said in unison, grinning at each other until Jeremy broke down into laughter at their own nerdiness. Jeremy looked so insanely happy and goofy at times like these it made Michael's entire being shake with the perfection of it all. It was like nothing else in the world mattered. Not his mom, or his body or the kids at school. Just Jeremy and his goofy smile and perfect laughter.

Michael grinned as the contentedness of being here in Jeremy’s bedroom with him and their video games settled in his chest and stomach. He gave Jeremy a playful shove and a laugh of his own as he started the level.

After a few minutes of playing Jeremy spoke up again, his words slowed and more stuttery than usual with how concentrated he was on their game, but Michael didn't mind. He’d known Jeremy before he went through speech therapy, back when his stutter was really bad, so this was nothing.

“Do…” there was such a long pause afterwards, Michael had thought he'd changed his mind about speaking but after a moment he started up again, “D-do you think I… um… Do you think I could actually… ya know..? - Shit Zombie!- Um... Do you think I could Hang out with them…?”

“Who the popular kids?” Michael frowned, “Maybe? I don't know -Watch your left side!- Brooke seemed nice enough and Jenna’s pretty cool. Chloe’s kinda scary but she's not a complete bitch like she wants everyone to think she is.”

“How do..? How do you know all this stuff??” Jeremy asked looking skeptical. Michael paused the game so they could actually talk without Jeremy forgetting what he was trying to say every few seconds. Michael knew Jeremy was a crap multitasker. His brain didn't like to focus well on one thing, let alone many.

“Like I said, Jenna Rolan is cool,” Michael shrugged, “We have Physics together. She saw my pride patch and turns out she's pan, so we hang out sometimes in there. That girl knows everyone's business.”

“Oh, cool…” Jeremy said, “I guess. Chloe still scares me though…”

“Yeah,” Michael shrugged, “I don't know why you'd wanna hang out with those guys anyway. I mean, sure the girls are fine but Rich and Jake? They're assholes.”

“Yeah…” Jeremy agreed, and he must have known Michael's mind had wandered back to the events of that afternoon because he leaned his weight against Michael’s side, resting his head against Michael’s. Michael smiled. It was comforting feeling Jeremy’s weight against his. Just feeling him there. It was safe and good. “I don't know I just… they're cool. Everyone likes them. They're everything I’m not…”

“You’re cool Jeremy,” Michael assured him, “You’re way cooler than they are. It's just that no one is smart enough to figure that out but me.”

Jeremy let out a breathy laugh and nudged Michael gently, “Yeah right…” he said, clearly not buying it, much to Michael’s dismay. There was a small moment of silence before Jeremy spoke up again, a hint of a small smile creeping its way into his voice, “Well… at least my Player One thinks I’m cool… Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Anytime,” Michael felt something fluttering in the pit of his stomach, not unlike the butterflies he usually got from being around Jeremy, but softer this time. Braver. The feeling didn't make him feel scared and unwanted like it usually did. Instead it made him feel like he was right where he was meant to be. Like nothing could go wrong when Jeremy was right there with him, pressed up against his side, making him feel wanted and valid and loved.

 “You’re, like… my favorite person… you know that?” Jeremy said, his voice soft.

Michael's heart stuttered. Part of him told him he was being stupid. That this was a bad idea. That Jeremy was straight, that he liked Christine, that he'd never return Michael’s feelings and this would only ruin their friendship but that braver part of him was spreading through his stomach and climbing into his throat.

“Jeremy…” Michael’s voice was soft and shakier than normal, but at least it was audible.

Jeremy lifted his head, seeming to sense the change in Michael's tone because he was looking at Michael’s red face with a hit of concern in his eyes, "Yeah?”

“I, um,” Michael's mind was going a million miles a minute. Was he actually doing this? Was he actually about to tell Jeremy his three year old secret? Was he even ready for that? Was he actually going to tell Jeremy he was in love with him? “I… I, um, I have something I should tell you…”

“Oh?” Now Jeremy looked really concerned, because the last time Michael started a conversation with that line, it had been three years ago and Michael had come out to him as gay, a confession that had ended with Michael crying for half an hour on Jeremy’s shoulder because of how terrified he was that his parents would find out and use it as evidence for their whole "you're not really trans" campaign. Of course, he’d come a long way since then, but Jeremy was still concerned that something might be genuinely upsetting his best friend, “You know you can tell me anything, right man…”

“Jeremy, I-...” he swallowed thickly, “I… I-I, um… I’m in- OW!”

Michael grabbed his head. A sharp pain shooting through his head and pounding against his skull from the inside. Michael had never felt anything like it in his life. His fingers dug into his skull until his knuckles turned white. He felt Jeremy bolt up next to him, Immediately kneeling in front of him in concern.

_Target Male: inaccessible._

A voice spoke clearly around his head, as if speaking directly into Michael's ears, but he couldn't see who the hell it was coming from.

“Michael?” Jeremy was saying, his voice laced with concerned and fear. He looked seconds away from panicking, and of course Michael's first instinct was to comfort him but another shooting pain made it impossible.

“OW! What the HELL?” Michael screeched, his voice coming out even higher than usual as he doubled in on himself, his head sinking between his knees.

_Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort._

 “MILD?!?” Michael demanded, although he was sure he sounded insane because from the looks of things Jeremy had no idea what was happening.

“Michael, w-what’s wrong?” Jeremy asked, wide eyes, looking terrified, “D-Do you need help? S-Screw it, I-I’m getting h-h-help..!”

 _Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated_.

Almost immediately the pain in Michael's head died down and Michael grabbed Jeremy’s wrist before he could leave the room, immediately trying to sooth the terrified look in his best friend’s eyes.

“No, wait, I’m fine, I just-” Michael assured him, standing up and moving mext to him.

_Discomfort level may increase._

“AAHHHHH!” Michael couldn't stop the scream ripped from his throat and from the look in Jeremy’s eyes, he was definitely scaring his best friend. Michael panicked. He couldn't stay here. Jeremy couldn't see him like this. He was going to have a panic attack or a break down if Michael didn't do something but he couldn't think with the throbbing pain in his skull. Michael had never felt anything so painful in his life…

So Michael did the only thing he could think to do: He bolted.

Michael wasn't really sure why he bolted or where he was going but when he stopped he was around the corner of Jeremy’s house, squatting behind a cluster of bushes, his body spasming in pain and gritting his teeth again the feeling.

_Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete._

“Mikayla Mell…” The voice said, somewhat more solid now. The pain ceased and Michael let out a breath of relief, panting slightly. When he felt a presence there with him, his eyes wandered upwards. The sun was blocked from his eyes by the long shadow of a figure looming above him, surrounded by a halo of iridescent, blue light... “Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.”

The figure gave Michael an eerie smile.

“Your SQUIP.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ought to be good... Things only get worse from here... and then better!!!
> 
> Just saying, there is no way Brooke would have been interested in Squipped! Jeremy if she didn't find him at least a little bit cute. But she's Chloe's so it doesn't really matter -ω- 
> 
> Also Just so we're clear:  
> Michael - Homoromantic, Homosexual  
> Christine - Demiromantic, Asexual  
> Jake - Panromantic, Pansexual  
> Rich - Biromantic, Bisexual  
> Chloe - Biromantic, Bisexual  
> Brooke - Panromantic, Pansexual  
> Jenna - Panromantic, Asexual 
> 
> Not all of them know it yet tho
> 
> Jeremy is confusing. Shit happens. As far as everyone in the story knows for now he's straight. 
> 
> Also you cannot convince me that Jeremy didn't have a really bad stutter when he was little. Like, to the point where when he got nervous or upset the only people who could understand him were his parents and Michael and eventually it got to the point where Jeremy had to go to speech therapy.


	6. Everything About You is Just Terrible

“For a supercomputer you look an awful lot like James Roday…”

It was the first thing Michael could think to say, so he’d went with it.

“Yes, well, this is one of my many default settings, based on what would be the most calming and trustworthy to the user. You can also set me for: Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female…” the SQUIP informed him.

“Can you do Bob Marley?”

“No.” The SQUIP said, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Then what's even the point?” Michael asked, jokingly, although in all seriousness, he was totally flipping his shit right now. He had a supercomputer implanted in his fucking brain! He was looking at a holographic version of James Roday!! Rich wasn't a lying asshole!!! Well, he was still an asshole, but he wasn’t a _lying_ asshole.

“Yes, well, do you plan on getting out of the bushes anytime soon?” The SQUIP asked, looking less than impressed, “Or do you enjoy sitting in the dirt while in the fetal position?”

“Oh, um, right,” Michael said, turning slightly red when he remembered where he was. He stood up on shaky legs and brushed the dirt and leaves from his pants and hair. There was a beat of silence as Michael picked at his nails and tried to figure out what he was supposed to say to a fucking supercomputer

“You don’t have to say anything,” the SQUIP answered, seeming to read Michael’s thoughts, “But you do need to stop playing with your nails and stand up straight. Stop hunching, it doesn’t compliment your figure.”

“Uh, right, I guess,” Michael did as he was told even though he wasn’t really sure why. What did his posture have to do with anything?

Once again the SQUIP answered before Michael even had to ask the question, “Listen, Mikayla,” He started, giving Michael a serious look.

“Actually it's Michael…” he corrected, “I’m, uh, trans, ya know, It’s like when someone is born a girl, but they identify as a guy.”

“Yes, I’m an infinite database of knowledge, I’m aware of what transgender is,” The SQUIP said. He seemed to give him a once over, his eyes narrowing as they scanned over his form, Michael could have sworn he'd seen a flash of distaste cross his features but it was gone in a second. Michael frowned. He supposed it could just be his own insecurities playing tricks on him... It wouldn't be the first time that had happened.

“Right,” The SQUIP finally said after a moment, “Michael then,… Well, Michael, you got me to improve your chances with one, Jeremy Heere, is that not correct?”

“I, uh, y-yeah...” Michael nodded, “Can you do that? Can… Can you really make Jeremy like me. As in… more than just best bros.”

“I can if you fix that posture and stop stuttering, it isn’t becoming,” The SQUIP told him, and he sounded so confident Michael couldn’t help but believe him. Or well, part of him believed him anyway… another part of him was still skeptical. The SQUIP seemed to sense this though because he fixed Michael with another serious look, “Michael, I understand that you’re unsure, but I guarantee you, my main objective- my sole function is to improve your life. But, for me to do that, I need you to trust in my capabilities, can you do that?”

“Um,” Michael hesitated, “I think? I mean, yes.... Yeah I can do that”

“Good,” The SQUIP said, “Now, let’s go get a good look at what we’re dealing with.”

***

Michael had to admit, having a supercomputer hologram thing, inspecting his basement bedroom like he was some kind of health inspector checking for roaches, was just a little strange.

Right now he was in Michael’s closet, examining his clothes. His figure shimmered and glitched every so often, which was just a little disturbing, but Michael tried to ignore it. What was harder to ignore was all the holographic charts and graphs he kept pulling out of nowhere. It was like some shit out of the Matrix or something…

“First things first, you need to trash this entire wardrobe and update it,” The SQUIP said.

“What! What’s wrong with my clothes?” Michael asked. He happened to like his clothes and he’d bought most of them himself, which only served to further his incentive not to trash them, “How is that going to get Jeremy to like me?”

The SQUIP gave him a withering look as if he should already know this or something, “Michael, there is a reason Jeremy has not fallen for you already. I have access to your memories, meaning I have a full inventory of every single interaction you’ve ever had thus far with your friend, and I will give you this much: You’re close. _Very_ close.”

“Well, yeah. We’re best friends,” Michael said, “Of course we’re close.”

“Yes well,” The SQUIP said, looking into the distance as if watching some screen that Michael couldn’t see, “For best friends you sure do… _cuddle_ a lot...”

Michael’s face went red, “OKAY, I think that’s enough routing around through my memories for one day!”

“You’re missing the point, Michael,” His SQUIP argued, “You and Jeremy are closer than the average pair of best friends. In fact, I’d say there is a 92% chance that you are the person best suited to make Jeremy happy. Jeremy just doesn’t see that yet. He just doesn’t see you as relationship material.”

“And that’s… good?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. It makes the task ahead of us much simpler,” The SQUIP grinned, “All you have to do is get Jeremy to shift the way in which he perceives you. You need to show him that you can be everything he already likes about you, plus everything he wants in a lover.”

“Don’t say lover,” Michael grimaced, “it sounds weird… But how do I do that? How do I show him that I can be his best friend _and_ his boyfriend.”

“You can’t,” The SQUIP said, flickering out of sight only to reappear by Michael’s side, “Jeremy is a heterosexual male, and as such, the fact that he sees you as male is blocking him from considering you as a prospective partner. You need to change that.”

Michael let that sink in for a moment. Jeremy didn’t like him because he’s straight and Michael’s a guy… Which meant…

“So you’re saying...” Michael said slowly, “That the only way Jeremy is ever going to like me is if I’m a… girl..?”

“I suppose you could say that,” although the SQUIP’s tone was saying, ‘Yes! Exactly!’ Michael looked down at his feet, his stomach knotting uncomfortably. Was that true? Was the only way Jeremy would ever like him be if he changed everything about himself? He’d spent so long trying to figure out who he was, but what if who he was, was the exact thing that Jeremy didn’t like about him?

“Is it even worth it then…?” Michael asked, his voice quiet, “If Jeremy ever was with me… I’d want him to be with me _because_ it’s me. Not because I was some girl...”

The SQUIP was quick to pick up on his insecurities.

“And he will!” He assured him “We just need to do something to trigger those feelings. But of course, once those romantic perceptions are triggered, there _is_ a 78% chance that they would remain unaffected if you were to go back to-” he scanned Michael with his eyes, just a hint of disdain in his voice, “ _this_ …"

Michael shifted, unsure, “I don’t know… this sounds…”

The SQUIP was quick to cut him off, “Of course I could help you with _that_ too. I mean, surely you must want to change all this,” He gestured vaguely at Michael’s form and Michael couldn’t help but fold in on himself, his arms wrapped around his middle in a kind of protective self-hug. “You can’t possibly consider this masculine. This isn’t the body of a _man_ …”

The SQUIP wasn’t wrong. Everything about his body screamed feminine. He hated everything about it. He hated everything about himself… Everything about him was just… _terrible_ …

“But!” The SQUIP spoke up again, grabbing Michael’s attention once more, “I could help you change all that, Michael. Afterall, I have access to your hormone production. I could easily adjust the levels of testosterone your body is outputting and even help adjust the pitch of your vocal chords as well.”

Michael’s head shot up, looking at his SQUIP with wide eyes, “Y-you can do that?”

“Of course I can do that,” His SQUIP grinned, “I’m the most advanced piece of technology you’ve ever laid your eyes on.” He paused, “Of course, that would come after you gained Jeremy’s affections. As of right now that kind of hormone therapy would be counterproductive. But of course, after, you could think of it as a sort of… congratulatory gift from me to you.”

Michael bit his lip. All he had to do was play the part for a little while. Afterall, he had the parts to play a girl... All he had to do was listen to his SQUIP and then after this whole mess was over, he’d have everything he ever wanted. The boy he loved… The body he wanted… Maybe his SQUIP could even show him how to make friends and overcome his anxiety. Maybe it could even get his mom to accept him…

“I can make your entire life better, Michael,” His SQUIP assured him, clearly reading his thoughts. His image shifted to sit behind him and Michael could feel hands on his shoulders. He could hear a slight grin in the computer's voice. “All you have to do is obey and I can give you _everything_ … Do we have a deal?”

Michael swallowed down a lump in his throat.

“Deal...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a learning experience for Michael. And everyone around him. 
> 
> Also I woke up this morning with a single random thought in my head, which was "Michael's Squip should be Shawn Spencer from Psych" and idk why that was in my head. It makes no sense but fuck it I made it happen. It's happening. Idc. 
> 
> Also the squip can suuuucccckkk my asssss. I hate him.


	7. Training

“Now you, try picking a shirt.”

It was Saturday and Michael was at the mall, his SQUIP guiding his way through the different stores. It had lead him into a clothing store called _Fashion in the First_ or something stupid like that. The SQUIP had told him this would be his first day of “training,” whatever the hell that meant, but he'd assured him that by the time monday came around he would be ready to face Jeremy.

Michael gazed around the store. There was absolutely nothing in the entire fucking place Michael would have ever realistically put on his body… it was one of those places you'd see someone like Jake or Chloe or Brooke shopping at. Not Michael. Never Michael. Michael got most of his clothes at _Spencer’s Gift_ or _Newbury Comics_ or Online.

Still, Michael made an effort to look around for something he might wear… like, in an alternate dimension or something…

Michael blew his hair out of his face for about the millionth time in the last hour. God he hated his hair. There was a reason he always styled it up and combed back off his face. It was because bangs were not something he was about to fucking put up with in this life or the next.

Well, that is until now…

It was the first thing his SQUIP had had him do as part of his so-called training: Cut his hair. Well, if you could even call it a haircut when your hair gets longer. He’d gotten up that morning and apparently the SQUIP had already gained access to his laptop and book the appointment online. Besides that, he’d blocked Michael's ocular nerves so that he'd have no idea what the fuck they were doing. By the time the SQUIP allowed him his eyesight back he had extensions weaved into his head, hair down to his shoulder blades and a throbbing pains across his scalp. but despite it all, Michael had decided he was pissed at the headband that had been put on him. Why? Because What the fuck was the fucking point of a fucking headband if it didn't keep any goddamn hair out of his fucking face!? What was the point of it just sitting there squeezing his skull uncomfortably?

The other reason it pissed him off so much was because being mad at the headband was easy. If he just stayed pissed at the headband, he didn't had to think about the rest of it. He’d nearly been overwhelmed by it all when he first saw his reflection at the salon, but the SQUIP had kept him from freaking out. It had said something about keeping him calm by releasing a dose of dopamine or serotonin or something like that in his brain. Michael had kinda zoned out after that, so he hadn’t quite been able to process what it had told him…

Michael pulled himself back to the present and tried to focus on the task at hand. Right… picking a shirt… Michael absent-mindedly picked up a gray shirt off the shelf. It was made of soft-looking material, like the kind a hoodie or a sweatshirt would be made out of. It felt nice. He looked back at his SQUIP with a questioning look but his SQUIP only sighed exasperatedly.

“That's a boy's shirt,” his SQUIP sounded disappointed, “Don’t forget our objective here, Michael. We need to change your aesthetic to make you look appealing to Jeremy as a romantic partner. I suppose for now we can just leave the picking to me.”

Michael sighed, he knew he wasn’t making things easy on his SQUIP but he was trying. He wanted to do this. Or, at least, he was pretty sure this was what he wanted… His SQUIP had assured him it was the only way he’d get what he wanted, anyway. It was just hard. He wished it didn’t have to be so difficult for him to just play the part his SQUIP wanted him to, but it was.

“This,” Michael’s SQUIP pulled him out of thought, floating in the air near a rack on the other side of the store. despite the chatter of the store goers around him, he could still hear the SQUIP’s voice over all of them. Michael paused before making his way over.

On the other side of the store Michael's SQUIP was pointing to a display mannequin wearing a light blue and white striped blouse with elbow-length, puffy, off-the-shoulder sleeves with a large bow in the center of it’s chest. The blouse was tucked into a short, flouncy, white skirt that only reached down to the mannequin’s mid-thighs.

Michael could only stare at the outfit, feeling his stomach turn nervously, “You want me to wear that next time I see Jeremy?”

“No,” The SQUIP said, and Michael almost relax before he added, “I want you to wear that out of the store,” Michael’s stomach knotted even tighter as the SQUIP’s image flickered and reemerged a couple racks over, “Monday I suggest you wear this,” he gestured to another outfit, a simple, flowy red dress with short sleeves and black accents, “Red is an eye-catching color that compliments most skin tones but not only that, studies have also shown that those who wear red are preserved as more attractive to the opposite sex.”

“Um, right...” Michael choked out, “the _opposite_ sex...”

If the SQUIP had heard him, it choose to ignore him, snapping his fingers, “changing rooms are by the back, hurry up. we don’t have all day.”

Michael stared as his SQUIP dissipated before he could argue. He stared at the mannequin, then down at the dozens of copies of the outfit hanging up on the rack. Slowly, he inched over to the red dress his SQUIP had picked out for him for school on monday.

God, what was he even doing here..? This was so… He couldn’t… This wasn’t him…

 _It doesn’t have to be,_ Michael reminded himself, taking a deep breath, _This is temporary. It’s just so Jeremy will finally see you._ Really _see you… This is the only way…_

Michael closed his eyes, steeling himself up before finally grabbing the items off the shelf and heading to the changing rooms in the back.

***

“Michael, you can’t just stay in the changing rooms forever, you have to come out eventually,” his SQUIP sounded annoyed, his voice coming from outside the door. Michael knew it was just the SQUIP manipulating his hearing. He knew that the SQUIP could see everything he was seeing, so there was no real purpose to him waiting outside, but it at least gave him the illusion of privacy, which made him feel better.

Michael was currently pressed up against the door, avoiding looking at his reflection in the mirror, as he called back, “I will as soon as you let me change out of this bullshit and into my own clothes,” not even caring that he probably sounded like he was talking to himself.

Michael had tried changing back into his ripped black jeans and red hoodie twice already, only to be shocked and chided by his SQUIP who was determined to see him walk out of the store in the skirt and blouse he was in now.

“I can’t let you do that, Michael,” His SQUIP said, seriously. “You said this was what you wanted, remember? If I don’t push you to do this now, you’ll never get what you want. I’m helping you.”

His SQUIP really sounded like it was trying to do what was best for him and Michael couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty for being so difficult but he didn’t care. He wasn’t stepping out of that changing room in… well, _this_ …

It wasn’t just the gender dysphoria, either. His mother still forced him into girl's clothes every time he had to go visit his conservative catholic grandparents, and while it was still shit, he’d been desensitized to it over the years. But even when he went to visit his grandparents, it was usually just a nice pair of jeans and a plain, v-neck sweater or blouse. But this? _This_ was on a whole other level. The skirt made him feel naked and everything about it made him feel unnatural. God, he couldn’t wear this. He was Michael Mell. There was no way he could possibly pull off something like this. This was something Chloe or maybe Brooke would wear, not him. He probably looked like an idiot. If he showed up Monday looking like this… he could only imagine what everyone would say… He felt the anxiety welling up inside him already.

His SQUIP sighed loudly, “I’m doing this for your own good, Michael. You’ll thank me later. _Accessing: neural controls._ ”

Before Michael could even process what was happening, his hand was moving on it’s own, unlocking the door, with all his weight still pressed back against the door. Michael gave a sharp yelp as he stumbling backwards out of the stall.

Michael was fully expecting to land on his ass, but he didn’t. Instead he stumbled slightly and ended up falling into someone’s chest, large hands being placed on his shoulders to steady him. He could feel the body he landed on brace itself to stop his fall.

“Woah, there!” He hear a voice from above him say, a slight smile in the guy’s voice, “Are you okay?”

Michael froze as soon as he heard the voice. _Oh, Fuck..._ This couldn’t be happening. This was a fucking nightmare. There was no way he was standing in the middle of the changing rooms in a store he would never be caught dead in, in easily the most embarrassing outfit he’d ever put on his body, after tripping into the arms of Jake fucking Dillinger. No. This couldn’t be happening. Somewhere in the back of his mind his SQUIP made an interested sound before telling him, “Stay calm. This is good. Just do everything I say.”

Michael took a deep breath and forced himself to stay calm, pulling himself away from Jake’s chest and taking a quick step backwards, muttering an apology. He kept his head down and avoided eye contact as best he could, trying to hide his face. Maybe he could he get out of this without Jake realizing it was him...

“Wait...” Jake said suddenly and Michael froze, “... Michael?”

Well fuck him.

“Holy shit!” He heard another voice say, “Hey Michael,  What are you wearing?”

Michael’s blood ran cold when he heard Rich’s voice there as well. Great, the two last people on earth Michael wanted to see right now. He felt like his face was on fire with the shame and embarrassment of it, trying to think of something to say. His mind had chosen the worst time to go blank. How did he explain this?

Michael was saved from having to say anything though, because Jake spoke up again.

“Wait, bro, come on,” Jake said quickly to Rich, and Michael risked looking up at him. Jake’s eyes traveled back to Michael and a small smile graced his lips, “Leave her- um, him?- alone…?” There was a slight pause as Jake looked Michael over, “I mean, uh, wow, Michael, you look… _amazing_ …”

That’s when Michael felt that same wave of calm and pleasure that he'd felt in the salon wash over him again. Albeit, it was to a much lesser extent this time, but it still clouded his brain and got him to calm down enough to listen to his SQUIP.

“Do as I instruct,” Michael heard his SQUIP say. It was standing next to Jake, looking the taller boy up and down, seemingly impressed, “Correct him. Tell him your name’s Mikayla.”

The mixture of nerves and soothing chemicals flooding his brain kept Michael from thinking about the SQUIP’s instructions too hard as he spoke, “Um, it's Mikayla, actually...”

Immediately Michael saw Rich make a face, looking suspicious, “Wait, seriously? last time I called you that you got all upset.”

“Repeat after me,” Michael’s SQUIP said stepping closer, to speak the words directly into Michael’s ear. After a moment Michael nodded, looking up at the two boys (or, well, down in Rich’s case) and spoke.

“Yeah, I know,” Michael said, absent mindedly playing with the hem of his blouse, however he felt sparks at the base of his spine as he began to slouch, “And it got me thinking. You said I wasn’t a real man, and you’re right, I’m not. It’s just that when I was a girl I didn’t think anyone really saw me that way anyway, so I though why bother, But then I thought, ya know what? Why not try something new?” Michael gave a smile as his SQUIP instructed, turning quickly to show off his outfit, “What do you think?”

Normally Michael would have gagged at the very thought of saying something like that, but right now his brain was to cloudy to really care. It was like he was high, but it was different too. It was only after he’d followed the SQUIP’s instructions that his mind cleared and he suddenly became fully aware of what he’d just done.

Did he just fucking _twirl_!?

That’s it. Michael was going to have to kill himself. He was never going to live this down. Not in a million fucking years. He was going to have to go into the witness protection program and speaking of witnesses he was now going to have to murder Jake and Rich. He was just waiting for them to burst out laughing. Any second now.

“I think you look great!” Michael’s head snapped up to meet Jake’s eyes as the taller boy beamed at him enthusiastically, “I mean, seriously, like, _wow_ …”

Okay… that was… not what he was expecting.

“Yeah, you look hot, dude,” Rich added, making Michael flush about twenty shades darker. No one had ever really described him as hot before… It was nice… Well, until Michael remembered why. However, when his face started to fall, his SQUIP gave him a sharp shock down his spine.

“Remember the role you’re playing,” his SQUIP warned, “now giggle and say thanks.”

 _I don’t do giggles,_ Michael warned silently.

“You don’t” his SQUIP agreed, “But Mikayla does. Think of this as practise for when your see Jeremy on Monday. Or do you want to embarrass yourself and end up looking like some goofy stoner in front of him again? If you want him to take you seriously, you have to take this seriously.”

Michael forced out a small giggle and smiled at Rich, “Thanks...”

“Hey, uh, we were just gonna hang around the mall for a few and maybe stop by the food court,” Jake said and Michael couldn’t help but notice the way the taller boy’s cheeks heated up just slightly. Michael looked at him confused until he added, “You wouldn’t wanna join us, would you?”

“Yes” His SQUIP encouraged.

Michael shifted where he stood, uncomfortable and still feeling naked in his stupid skirt, as he repeated his SQUIP’s sentiment, “Yeah. I just need to pay for this stuff first.”

“Cool,” Jake grinned, his face lighting up brilliantly, “We’ll wait for you by the entrance… Mikayla… ”

“Right,” Michael blushed as Jake lightly grazed his shoulder with his fingertips as he passed, smiling back at him. However, Michael’s focused was elsewhere. He hadn’t missed the way Rich looked between Michael and Jake, a confused and unhappy scowl painted on his face. Oh boy. He didn’t even wanna know what was going on there…

“Great,” Michael was pulled out of thought by his SQUIP, “Stage one of our mission was a success. See, I told you, all you have to do, it listen to everything I tell you and things will turn out fine. I mean, when’s the last time either of those two looked at you with anything but disdain?”

Michael paused as he realized… The SQUIP was right, “Never...” he muttered in disbelief. Jake and Rich were always throwing insults and sneers his way. Never had they ever looked at him like that. Like he was a person… Like he was actually worth something.

“And you can do this with Jeremy, too?” He asked hesitantly.

“That’s the next step,” his SQUIP beamed at him.

“Okay,” Michael took a deep breath, “What do I do next?”

Bonus: Art shit 

 


	8. Do You Wanna Ride?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoi Boi.... so halfway through this chapter you're going to see an author's note. Read it ya fuckers. Jkjk love you all. Hope I didn't keep y'all waiting too long for this :3 
> 
> Also, I told you there would be a Do You Wanna Ride? Moment, Jake/Rich style.

After the SQUIP had proved its capabilities in _Fashion in the First,_ Michael found it a lot easier to follow it’s instructions. He felt more sure about himself. More sure of his SQUIP. For once he actually felt confident. And not confident in a ‘no one's gonna like me anyway, so what's the point of trying’ way, but in a ‘I don't have to worry because I know people are going to like me’ way.

He’d met Jake and Rich at the entrance to the store and they walked around the mall together for the next few hours or so and, surprisingly enough, it was actually... nice. And yeah, Michael knew it was because he was acting like a girl, and he knew that if he was still dressed like a guy, these guys would never talk to him in, like, a million years, but he shoved those thoughts to the very back of his mind and tried to forget about what he was wearing. (Although that was hard with the skirt and how drafty and cold the mall was…)

But if he put aside his insecurities, Michael was pretty surprised to find that Rich and Jake were actually kinda cool. When they wanted to be anyway... They were funny and while Rich did a pretty good job of hiding it, he was kinda really dorky, and Jake? Jake was actually a bit of a sweetheart. Jake was definitely more friendly than Rich though. Throughout the entire trip, Rich had kept himself a good distance, although Michael wasn't sure if that was because he knew Michael's SQUIP was responsible for the sudden makeover, or because of whatever was going on between him and Jake.

It was fun to watch them though. Their relationship was really something else. They way they watched each other and talked easily. How in sync they were. Michael noticed that everytime Rich distanced himself a little too much, Jake was instantly at his side, asking if something was wrong quietly enough that they thought Michael couldn't hear. And he noticed how easily Jake got distracted and excited about little things and how Rich was constantly there to keep him from blowing all his money on stupid things like keychain laser-pointers or nerf guns or, at one point, a telescope.

It was really something else to watch.

After a while, they’d gone to the food court and Jake had bought Michael a smoothie from one of the juice bars and Michael had flushed, embarrassed, offering to pay him back, but Jake had merely given him a charming smile and a smooth “Don’t worry about it, my treat.”

After that Rich went off to go talk to a friend of his who worked over at _Payless Shoes_ for a bit and told them he'd meet them out front, leaving Michael alone with Jake.

Michael had been a little nervous, hanging out one on one with Jake, but his SQUIP had eased him into it slowly until it decided he could handle the conversation on his own, with only minor redirections. Michael was relieved when Jake suggested they go into _Newbury Comics,_ because that was something Michael knew. It was familiar and safe.

“I know it’s kinda nerdy,” Jake said, his cheeks flushing slightly, “but it's kinda the whole reason Rich and I came here today. Well, the reason I came here, anyway. Rich just kinda came because he was bored. But anyway, they just came out with new _Legend of Zelda_ merch that I wanted to check out. I promise it'll be qui-”

“Wait!” Michael cut him off, eyes shining, “That was today!” He pulled out his phone to check. He'd set a reminder for himself days ago to make sure he didn't miss it. Yup, it was today. Michael was already fidgeting with excitement. “Oh my gosh, come on, let's go before all the good shit is gone! We should have done this first!”

He bit down a yelp when his SQUIP gave him a mild shock. His heart almost sunk when he thought his SQUIP was going to tell him video games weren't attractive enough, but instead the SQUIP only gave him a stern look, telling him, “Don't swear, it makes you look crude and unintelligent.” He almost asked why his SQUIP wasn't trying to stop him from nerding out over videogames, but apparently he didn't have to because his SQUIP quickly explained, “Human friendship is nothing more than a bond between two people, common interests help to strengthen that bond.”

Meanwhile, Jake had broken out into a grin, chuckling and starting off in the direction of the store as he spoke, “Right, yeah, I should have known you were into _Legend of Zelda,_ too. Have you played _Breath of the Wild_ yet? It's, like, the best game they've ever made. I’m trying to get Rich to play it but all he ever wants to play is _Call of Duty._ ”

Michael grinned, jogging slightly to catch up as he wholeheartedly agreed.

After a while of checking out the new merch, Jake left the store with a poster and a new hoodie and Michael left with a Cool new bumper sticker for his PT cruiser and a Link plushie he knew Jeremy would like. Jeremy would never admit it to anyone else but Michael, but he secretly loved soft things. His bed at his house as cover in things like plushies and pillows and blankets to cuddle up with. They were all geeky things though, because he was convinced it was less girly that way.

Finally Michael, Jake and Rich all ended up outside the mall on one of the benches they had surrounding the parking lot, sitting and talking as the sun started to go down.

Michael and Rich laughed as Jake retold the story of some party they'd gone to over the summer at Chloe’s, and every once in awhile Rich would add in his own recollections for them to laughed over.

“And the Jenna laughed so hard soda came out of her nose,” Jake laughed, “She was lucky it wasn’t beer, that shit would have burned.”

Michael chuckled from where he was perched on back of the bench, legs folded so that, hopefully, no one could see up his skirt. When the laughter died down, Michael became very aware of the fact that both boys were looking him. Jake was still smiling, although Rich looked like he was trying to mask annoyance. A twinge of panic sparked in the pit of Michael’s stomach. Had he done something wrong..?

“Ya know,” Jake said, after a moment, sitting down on the bench next to him, “today was really fun, Mikayla. I kinda thought you were a stoner nerd before, but you're actually a pretty cool chick. Like, hanging out with you is awesome.”

“Really?” Michael asked before him or his SQUIP could stop him. His SQUIP made it pretty clear from early on that confidence was important, and while his SQUIP wasn't saying anything now, it was giving him an annoyed look, as if to say ‘you know what you did…’

However Jake didn't seem to mind because he only grinned more and moved closer, “Definitely! I, um, I don't think I’ve ever hung with a girl like you before.”

 _Yeah probably not,_ Michael agreed silently, shifting uncomfortably, with nowhere else to go really, unless he wanted to end up in Rich’s lap. His SQUIP, sensing his sudden unease, provided instructions. Michael did as he was told and smiled, tucking a strand of long, brown hair behind his ear as he said “Well, girls like me are hard to come by.”

“Yeah,” Jake agreed with an enthusiastic look.

“Jake is going to offer you a ride, it is imperative that you accept.” His SQUIP suddenly cut in.

Michael blinked confusion, but sure enough Jake was standing up and looking at him with a shy grin, “So, do you maybe… wanna ride home?”

“Yes,” his SQUIP prompted.

“Oh, um, I dunno,” Michael hesitated, “I live right by here, I wouldn't wanna bother you or anything.”

Michael jumped slightly and grit his teeth against a pained cry as his SQUIP gave him a particular brutal shock down his spine. His SQUIP was glaring at him now, “Michael, if this is going to work, you need to do as I instruct.” It warned.

Jake cut off any further arguments Michael had by taking one of his hands in his own, “C’mon, Mikayla, it's no trouble, I mean, have to bring Rich home anyway and besides, I wanna… continue to hang out with you.” The way Jake lowered his voice at that last bit had Michael retracting his hand and forcing out a nervous laugh.

“I, um…” Michael searched his brain for an excuse.

“What's the problem?” His SQUIP demanded, “Accept already.”

 _But…_ Michael thought at the SQUIP nervously.

“But what?” The SQUIP asked.

 _Jake… He’s… I think he's flirting with me… or something…_ Michael thought at the supercomputer, hoping it would understand.

“Yes I am well aware of this,” His SQUIP frowned, crossing his arms, “What's the problem?”

 _The problem is I don't like Jake,_ Michael thought, _I like Jeremy. This is, like, totally leading him on, isn't it? That's not cool._

“You don't have to like Jake,” his SQUIP said, sounding angrier now, “You just have to do as I tell you. This is all part of my plan, do you understand? Have I lead you wrong yet, Michael?”

Michael didn't have a response to that one, because it was true. His SQUIP hadn't lead him wrong yet, but he also knew that Jake was invading his personal space just a little too much and Michael didn't particularly like being touched by people he didn't know all that well… And Michael new he was starting to feel uncomfortable and that he didn't wanna take Jake up on his offer.

However this discussion didn't go any farther, because a second later, Jake was leaning in closer and putting an arm around Michael, making every muscle in his body clench. As fun as it was to talk to Jake about _Legend of Zelda_ and bad parties, Michael knew exactly what that arm meant and wanted nothing more than for Jake to retract it.

However his SQUIP gave him a warning look to relax and let it happen, so he swallowed a lump in his throat and endured.

“Can't I convince you?” Jake asked with a sweet look, “I swear, it’ll be fun and we’ll have you home in no time. Unless, you wanna come get frozen yogurt with us, that is. We're meeting Chloe and Brooke there.”

“I, um,” Michael caved under the intense looks both Jake and the SQUIP were giving him, “I guess, it couldn't hurt. I’ll have to take a raincheck on the frozen yogurt, though. My mom is probably already wondering where I am…”

The way Jake’s face lit up, you’d have thought he'd just won the lottery, as he stood, finally retracting his arm as he took a few step backwards, “Alright then! Sweet. You two wait here, I’ll pull the car around.”

As soon as Jake was a good few feet away, Michael let out a sigh a relief, letting some of the tension leave his body, but still not letting his shoulders sag since he didn't want to risk getting shocked for poor posture.

“So, this is what your SQUIP had in store for you, huh?” Rich asked, startling Michael out of thought. He'd almost forgotten the shorter boy was there, he'd been quiet for so long. Now that he was speaking, a bit of his lisp was making its way back into Rich's voice, as he gave Michael an unreadable look, “I gotta say, I’m impressed Mell, you clean up good.”

“I, uh, thanks?” Michael frowned. For some reason, Rich seemed upset…

“Ya know he’s not really serious about you, right?” Rich said and it took Michael a second to realize he was talking about Jake, “He’s been with practically half the girls in our class, ya know. He’s always like this at first, because you're someone shiny and new, but he'll get bored eventually. He always does.”

Michael frowned, raising an eyebrow. He saw what was going on here... “And I suppose he doesn't get bored of you?” he asked, knowingly.

“Never,” Rich snapped back quickly, "I’m his best friend. You never get bored of your best friend.”

Rich sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Michael, but Michael nodded in understanding anyway. The conversation came to an end there because a moment later Jake pulled up in a shiny, new SUV.

Jake leaned over and opened up the passenger side door from the inside and smiled as Michael hesitated settled in. He almost went for the buckle until his SQUIP stopped him.

“You should only really bother buckling if the others do it first,” his SQUIP said, “otherwise you look too straight laced. No one likes a girl who's too uptight to cut loose a little.”

 _This feels unsafe…_ Michael frowned. Not that he didn't trust Jake at the wheel, but he totally didn't trust Jake at the wheel. The guy had some major ADHD. It seemed like he got distracted by everything.

“Guys like girls who aren't afraid to live a little dangerously,” His SQUIP said, “Jeremy’s pretty straight laced himself so there is a 87% chance he'll find this new you freeing to some extent.”

 _Oh… Right…_ Michael bit his lip, fiddling with a few strands of his hair, suddenly reminded of what he was working up to. Right. Jeremy. He was doing this so that, on Monday, he could show Jeremy the new him. Michael shifted in his seat. Would he really be ready for that? Was he really ready to be this in front of his best friend. The thought was humiliating… His SQUIP had said it was the only way, but was it? Maybe… just maybe there was something else they could try instead...

***

Jake pulled up in front of Michael's house, finally letting him go after insisting Michael take his number, “Ya know, just in case you ever… need another ride.”

Finally after it was all settled, Jake and Rich pulled away and disappeared around the block, leaving Michael standing there, sighing in relief as the tension finally left his body. He was exhausted, and his clothes felt itchy and tight on his body. His hair was tickling his back and the strappy sandals his SQUIP had made him buy were hurting his feet. He didn't think he'd ever felt so gross and tired and uncomfortable in his life.

After a moment, Michael turned, hoping to sneak into his bedroom through the back before anyone saw him. He didn't want his mom seeing him like this. He didn't know what she’d say exactly, but he was sure he wouldn't like it.

He couldn't take out the extensions or anything, and he was going to be dressing like this for awhile, at least, until he got Jeremy, so he knew he couldn't keep it all a secret from her forever, but dealing with Rich and Jake had been more than enough for one night.

When Michael was finally safe in the comfort of his basement bedroom once more, Michael stripped off his new outfit and searched around for something quick and easy to put on before he went to bed.

(( **!!I M P O R T A N T!!** Author’s Note: Okay! So here's the deal. This next scene is kinda… intense. Even for me. It's, like, ‘Jesus Christ I can't believe I just wrote that,’ level intense. So yeah, I figured I should put some kind of warning/disclaimer. So, if you are sensitive to gender dysphoria, body issues or mental abuse/manipulation topics because I suggest you skip this next scene and take the line “before he went to bed.” to mean he actually went to bed. I promise you're not missing anything important plot related at all, so don't feel obligated to read it to understand the story or anything. I just don't wanna upset anyone by accident or anything along those lines, so feel free to skip it. However if you're not sensitive to these things, then, have a blast I guess. But anywho, you’ve been warned.))

“You were thinking of seeing Jeremy on Monday earlier, weren't you,” His SQUIP spoke up, speaking from where it was, perched on the edge of his bed, “You were doubting our plan…”

Michael shifted in place, pulling on a pair of basketball shorts over his boxer briefs, “Well… not exactly… I was just wondering if there wasn't another way to get Jeremy to like me. Ya know, one that doesn't involve all this…” He gestured vaguely to his hair and the clothes now crumbled on his floor.

His SQUIP gave him a serious look, “Michael, I want you to do something for me. There is a mirror in the bathroom. Walk over to it.”

Michael frowned, hesitating. In his experience, mirrors had never been good things. Mirrors always meant pain and insecurity and self-hatred. There was a reason he only had one in his entire room. Still, he sighed and did as he was told.

“Michael,” his SQUIP appeared at his side as Michael looked at himself in the mirror. “I want you to tell me everything that's wrong with you.”

Michael’s heart thumped loudly in his chest and his face felt flushed and pale at the same time, “what… what do you mean?”

“I mean,” His SQUIP placed his hands on his shoulders, rubbing comforting circles into his tense muscles, “I want you to tell me everything you hate about your reflection. I want you to name every single one of your flaws, from top to bottom.”

“I don't-” Michael took in a shaky breath. he didn't like this… He moved to take a shaky step back but his SQUIP zapped him before he could.

“Just trust me, Michael,” his SQUIP insisted. Michael swallowed a heavy lump in his throat,

“I, um… I-I don't like the texture of my- my hair…” he started slowly, “and m- my eyelashes…” he trailed off until his SQUIP squeezed his shoulders a little tighter.

“What about them?” It prompted.

“They're… they’re long,” he said, and he knew it was stupid, because tons of guys had long eyelashes, but they still felt feminine to him, “and- and dark…” he was quiet for a second before his SQUIP prompted him to continue, “I hate my jawline… it soft… totally undefined. Girly… And... and the shape of my face... and my shoulders aren't right. I wish they were broader. More squared. But they're not… they’re soft and narrow. They're girl's shoulders.”

“Good,” The SQUIP practically purred, nuzzling into the crook of Michael's neck, “Keep going.”

So he did. Michael continued to name everything he hated about himself. Every flaw. Every imperfection. Every disgusting, hideous, terrible thing about himself. Everything that made Michael hate himself.

Half an hour passed before Michael was allowed to be done. He hadn't even finished yet, but his voice had become too shaky to continue and his SQUIP finally let him stop and look away.

As soon as he was allowed, Michael sank to the bathroom floor and curled up in the space between the wall and the sink, just below the mirror, where he could no longer see his reflection. There, he curled himself up as tightly as possible, with his arms covering his head. Tears slipped wordlessly down his cheeks in rivulets, and sniffles and sobs could be heard softly as Michael tried to choke them back.

His SQUIP had kneeled down in front of him, shushing him and combing through his hair with his long fingernails, scratching over his scalp, comfortingly.

“Now,” his SQUIP said gently, “tell me, what's wrong with you Michael?”

“I’m a girl,” Michael choked out between labored breaths and sobs.

“Yes, good,” his SQUIP hummed, “So when Jeremy saw you, the you that you were before I came along, do you really think he ever saw a real guy?”

Michael only whimpered in response.

“No. The only thing Jeremy ever saw in you was someone to feel sorry for,” his SQUIP continued, and Michael let out a particularly violent sob, which had his entire body trembling with it. Still, the SQUIP continued. “All he sees is the girl people whisper about in the hallway because she keeps on insisting she's a boy. The freak. Do you honestly think he's not embarrassed of you, Michael? How could he not be? You're pathetic. Everything about you is terrible and ugly and hideous… we both know it's true.”

Another muffled sob ripped it's way out of Michael's throat, and he curled in on himself tighter as his SQUIP once again hushed him. The SQUIP, gently uncurled Michael's arms from around his head and lifted his chin to look directly in his red and tear-filled eyes.

“But,” his SQUIP said, his voice more gentle this time, “things don't have to be like this Michael. You don't have to be the freak every thinks you are anymore. I'm here and I can turn you into something beautiful, Michael. For once, you can finally be someone who Jeremy Heere can be proud to call his. You can be someone he can fall in love with. You can be someone amazing and incredible and wonderful. And all you have to do, is do as I say. Do you understand?”

Michael stared at him, trying to regain at least a little bit of composure, sniffling helplessly and trying to remember how to speak through the short breaths and sobs. He wiped his face with the heel of his hand and finally nodded.

“Y-y-yeah,” he agreed softly, “I- I under- s-stand…”

“Perfect,” the SQUIP smiled, “now, we have another long day of training ahead of us tomorrow, in order to get you in the right mindset for Monday, so go to bed. Sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Slowly, but surely, Michael uncurled himself and stood on shaky limbs. Keeping his eyes on the door to his bedroom and locked on his bed, doing everything in his power to avoid the sight of his own reflection. After stepping out of the bathroom he shut the door tightly behind him, sealing his reflection away tightly inside.

When he finally made it into bed, Michael nearly collapsed was exhaustion. His limbs felt shaky and heavy and sore and his eyes were puffy and red and they stung from rubbing at them. His lungs shuddered with every intake of breath as he curled in on himself and wrapped his arms around his middle in a protective self-hug.

His SQUIP came around and pulled the covers around him, warmly, sitting at the edge of Michael's bed just as he was nodding off. It smiled gently as it began to once again run its fingernails over Michael's scalp in a comforting manner. Michael let out a shaky exhale and allowed himself to be lulled by the gesture, hearing it speak one last time before he was pulled in by sleep.

“Good night,” It said, faintly, “Sleep well, Mikayla…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on the first half of the chapter: Jake has ADHD and you can not tell me otherwise. 
> 
> Seriously though. He gets really passionate about things and he's always running all over the place doing a million different extracurricular activities because he bores of them and get distracted by new ones rapid fire style. That's so ADHD it's not even funny (I also have ADHD which is why I would know, I'm not just making blind assumptions) 
> 
> Also can you imagine Jake and Christine being ADHD buddies?? (And I know the show says she has ADD but I'm calling bullshit because kids with ADD tend to be ver subdued and quiet and mostly just daydreamer who can't focus on shit while ADHD kids are essentially the same only the added H stands for hyperactive, a component I think Christine has with out passionate and out spoken she is and how she gets overly excited over things. But ANYWHO) wouldn't that be cute???
> 
> Notes for second half of the chapter: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> I HATE THE SQUIP 
> 
> why am I so mean to my baby. I love you but I must do sad shit for plot Q-Q I'm so sorry.


	9. Spiral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if anyone has even gotten the title yet but in case no one else gets it except me, it's that line from The Play when Jeremy goes "That is not Christine!" but not it's "That is not Michael" so yeah

Jeremy would be lying if he said he wasn't a little concerned that Michael didn't shown up to first period on Monday. Not that it wasn't like Michael to skip first period. In fact, Michael had deliberately doubled up in as many classes as possible freshmen and sophomore year just so that he _could_ sleep in during his junior and senior year, so it wasn’t unusual for him to show up around third period with slushies and some kind of fast food for them to share, but today it was not appreciated.

Jeremy hadn't seen Michael since the incident on Friday, and he was worried. He'd texted his Player-One about eight million times and called him about a hundred, but Michael's phone had been off all weekend. It was strange and Jeremy didn’t like it. He wanted to get to the bottom of what exactly happened on Friday but he couldn’t do that without his best friend.

However, Michael's seat in first period remained empty.

***

Jeremy’s mood didn’t improve when third period rolled around and Michael’s seat in their AP English Literature class remained empty as well. English was one of the classes Michael actually needed to do well in, so Michael didn’t skip unless he really couldn’t help it.

Michael might be a stoner, sure, but he was no flunky. Michael was actually one of the smartest kids in their entire fucking school. He was ranked number four in their class and had, like, a 4.8 GPA or something like that. Michael wanted to be a video game developer when he grew up, and he knew how hard it was to get into into the field, so he had made sure his grades were stellar. Jeremy wanted the same things too, so he tried his hardest in school too, but it still wasn’t anything compared to Michael’s grades.

But that was beside the point. The point was, if Michael wasn't in class for one of his AP classes, he must be sick or just... not coming, which only made Jeremy feel worse.

Finally the last of the students trickled in right before the bell signaling the beginning of class and the teacher launched into a lecture about Shakespearean sonnets and rhyme schemes. Jeremy opened to a blank page in his notebook to start taking notes just as the door squeaked open once more.

Jeremy once again raised his eyes to the door thinking maybe Michael was just late, but he was disappointed to see that the person closing the door behind them was a girl with long brown hair in a flowy red dress, holding a black leather purse by her side.

Not Michael, although Jeremy was briefly curious as to who she was. He was fairly sure he hadn’t seen her in class before, although new students at their school weren’t uncommon. She seemed pretty too, although Jeremy hadn’t been able to get a good look at her face with her back turned mostly towards him as she handed the teacher a note, talking with them briefly.

However it wasn’t long before that little voice in Jeremy’s head piped up again, saying, _look at her, Jeremy, as if you stand a chance with a girl like that._

 _Thanks,_ Jeremy thought sarcastically back to the voice in his head, and went back to taking notes (read: doodling) in his notebook as the pretty girl passed him and took a seat in the back. He thought about texting Michael again, except he’d already done so twice that morning and Ms.Fisher had a strict No Phones Policy in her class and Jeremy decided it wasn’t worth getting his phone taken away.

After that Ms.Fisher put them in teams to analyze different sonnets to find their meaning and Jeremy was lucky enough to be put in a group that simply decided to split the work up into four equal parts and go their separate ways.

Well, Jeremy supposed he was lucky anyway. He guessed he wasn’t exactly making any friends this way and he wasn’t thrilled with being stucking in the back of the room on his own with no one to talk to. But even if his teammates had wanted to do the project with him as a group, he had no idea what he’d even say to them anyway, besides something really smooth like,  “I- um- ngh!” so he supposed it was for the best.

Jeremy simply wasn’t made to be a social person...

***

At the end of class Ms.Fisher reminded them for the billionth time that they needed to read _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_ by the end of the month and dismissed them at the sound of the bell. Students left the room in a flurry, leaving only a few stragglers behind

Jeremy began gathering his stuff and shoving it in his backpack when he was nearly pushed to the ground, but two much stronger bodies who had pushed him aside. Jeremy wasn’t at all surprised when he looked up to see it was Rich and Jake who had pushed past him and were now approaching the pretty girl in red.

However, Jeremy was surprised when he heard.

“Mikayla!” Jake grinned, “I thought I saw you in here. Wow, you take AP English? I didn’t know you were so smart.”

“Just because you take APs doesn’t automatically mean you’re smart, Jake...” Rich said with an underlying tone of annoyance.   

“Yeah, well, I am number four in our class though,” Jeremy heard the girl say, in an eerily familiar voice.

“Wow, really!? Damn, you’re really something else, huh Mikayla,” Jake said.

“Michael!?”

The trio all three spun around to look at a wide-eyed, gaping mouthed, absolutely stunned Jeremy Heere. And that’s when Jeremy got a good look at the pretty new girl’s face for the first time.

It was no surprise Jeremy hadn’t recognized him until now. Michael… Well, Michael looked nothing like Michael at all. The clothes for starters… and- and the hair?? And was that fucking make-up. Yes, it was most definitely make-up, something Jeremy had only ever seen Michael in once, on a dare in the seventh grade, and this was most certainly different…

“What the heck is going on here..?” Jeremy breathed out too quietly for the three teens in front of him to even hear.

It was Jake who broke the silence first, “Oh, you’re the guy who Mikayla’s always hanging out with, Jerry, right?”

That seemed to snap Michael out of it, who immediately when a dark shade of red and averted Jeremy’s gaze. The look on Michael’s face immediately had Jeremy forgetting about his own shock as well, gripping the straps of his backpack tightly as he moved forward, determined.

This was wrong...

“Jeremy actually,” he said, his voice tight as he looked at Jake, who was giving him a slightly intimidating look. Jeremy, however, ignored it and brushed past him, reached out to take Michael’s hand in a firm grip and tug lightly, “And if you’ll excuse us for a moment, I need to talk to my best friend… alone.”

The serious look Jeremy gave him had Michael following him without question, waving to Rich and Jake only briefly as he followed.

***

Michael’s heart had started pounding the moment Jeremy had turned to him with that serious look in his eyes. As soon as they left Ms.Fisher’s class, Jeremy started dragging him through the halls of the school until they were at the double doors that lead out to the student parking lot. It was only when they were outside and Jeremy had double checked that they were alone that he turned to him and spoke.

“What’s wrong?”

“What?” Michael asked, confused. This wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting… The one his SQUIP had promised.    

Jeremy took Michael’s hands in his own, squeezing tightly and stepping closer, “I said, what’s wrong? This-” he gestured vaguely to Michael’s entire self, “isn’t you. Something must of happened, so tell me. Did your mom say something again? Because seriously, you can’t let her get to you.”

“What? No she didn’t-”

But Jeremy was continuing, “I mean it! she’s an idiot, tons of people are trans, just because she’s too stupid to look around like a normal person with fucking eyes, doesn’t make what you feel any less valid or normal or anything.”

“No, Jeremy, she didn’t say anything, it’s not like that,” Michael said, looking down.

“Then what is it like?” Jeremy asked, his brown creasing with concern as he bent down to try and catch Michael’s gaze. “Tell me so I can snap you out of this stupid self-doubt mode your in right now and lend you my gym clothes or something so you can go back to normal.”

There was silence for a few moments and Jeremy watched as Michael seemed to debate something with himself for a few moments as he stared at his feet.

Finally Michael took a deep breath and spoke, “And what if this _was_ the new normal..?”

“What do you mean?” Jeremy furrowed his brow.

“I mean,” Michael said, stepping closer to Jeremy, “What if I like this? What if looking like this makes me feel good about myself for once?”

“Michael that’s crazy,” Jeremy frowned, “I’ve known you since we were five, you have never in your life liked _this_ , and it most definitely has never made you feel good about yourself… ”

Michael seemed to hesitate for a moment, doubt flickering in his eyes before he spoke again with a slightly quiver in his voice.

“Because I never gave it a chance, Jeremy,” He insisted, “The old me was a loser. I felt like a loser, so I decided to do something about it, and I mean, look at this. I look good, don’t you think?”

Jeremy sputtered, turning red, “Well, y-yeah, but that’s not that point, Michael!”

Michael’s expression changed as if gaining confidence, “And that’s the other thing, Jeremy, I like Mikayla know.”

“No, you don’t!” Jeremy cried in frustration.

“You can’t tell me what I do and don’t prefer, Jeremy! Honestly, I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this,” Michael huffed, cheeks turning slightly red in frustration, “Rich and Jake seemed to like it just fine.”

“Rich and Jake are idiots!” Jeremy groaned, “And I’m making a big deal out of this because something is clearly wrong and you’re acting like it’s nothing. This is clearly not a case of ‘you woke up this morning and decided you weren’t trans anymore.’”

“And what if it is?” Michael flicked a brown curl over his shoulder, “Look, clearly you need some time to adjust. I have to get to class, but come and find me when all of this had sunk in. Nothing’s going on, I just changed my mind about some things.”

“I- Mich- You can’t just!” Jeremy sputtered, trying to say about a million things at once, but Michael was already fixing his hair and turning to walk away.

“And Jeremy,” Michael said, turning back quickly and before Jeremy could even process what was happening, Michael pressed a light kiss to his cheek, pulling away and blushing softly, “I really am hoping you’ll have an open mind about this… and _other_ stuff, ya know? Text me later, kay?”

Before Jeremy could even regain himself, Michael had disappeared from sight.

What. The hell. Was that!?

Jeremy felt his entire face go red. His hand flying to his cheek so fast he accidentally slapped himself. Did _Michael Mell_ , Jeremy’s best friend for the past twelve years, just fucking hit on him?

Jeremy shook his head. Now was not the time. It didn’t matter if Michael hit on him right now or not, because whatever that was, it wasn’t Michael. Michael was either going through some pretty heavy stuff right now or he’d been replaced by an alien doppelganger or something. Either option was a very likely possibility.

But in all seriousness, for Michael to do something like this… And for him to refuse to tell Jeremy about it… Well, it couldn’t be good. Michael always told Jeremy when he was having problems concerning his gender dysphoria and anxiety and confidence in himself. Jeremy knew better than anyone that despite all the confusion and insecurity Michael went through concerning his gender, Michael was a guy. That wasn’t something he would just change his mind about it because it wasn’t something he just decided in the first place. It wasn’t as if Michael had just decided he was a guy one day for shits and giggles. It was something he’d struggled to accept for a long time.  

Jeremy groaned in frustration.

To be clear, Michael didn't usually have issues like these. Or at least, not bad enough for him to do something like _this_. He’d only done something like this once, all the way back in eighth grade. It had been just after he’d come out as trans at their school and to his parents and his mom had not taken it well. His mom still didn’t take it well but it was worse back then. About a month after he’d come out, he suddenly reverted back to girls clothes like he had done today, because he couldn’t take the pressure he was under by his mom. It had only last a week before Jeremy was able to convince him he didn’t need to change himself or make himself uncomfortable for his mom.

But that had been years ago and nowadays things were different. Most of the time it was like Michael didn't have a care in the world, except maybe what slushie flavor he should get. And yeah, It was true that every once in awhile he did have a breakdown but they were few and far between, and they were nothing that couldn't be fixed with a little alone time and a quick "feelings jam" as Michael liked to call them. But this? This was different. Michael hadn't just... spiral like this in years. So what happened..? Jeremy couldn't be sure what, but something had changed...

And hell if he wasn't going to find out what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so in case anyone is confused, class ranking is that thing where the school compares everyones GPAs or whatever and whoever is ranked number one in your class is valedictorian or whatever, and I was looking at my grades and wondering what all the bmc kids class rankings were so I decided to list em all out. 
> 
> Michael - #4 (If you think Michael can't be a stoner and be smart as shit you clearly haven't met enough stoners in your life)  
> Christine - #6  
> Jeremy - #23  
> Rich - #26 (Because Rich's Squip would give him all the answers to all his tests and homework but also keep his grade just low enough that he won't show up in the top 25 section of the yearbook and look like a nerd)  
> Jenna - #72  
> Jake - #88  
> Brooke - #108  
> Chloe - #110  
> (I'm saying there are 188 kids in their class in total)


	10. Lysander and Hermia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long and that it's so short ;-; 
> 
> Also special shoutout to the wonderful, beautiful person who drew this little gem here for this story: http://aminoapps.com/p/us6ahf  
> I can't even express how much it means to me, so this chapters for you.

As soon as Michael rounded the corner and found himself in an empty hallway of the school, down by the gym, he felt sick. Jeremy hadn't reacted well to his change. The SQUIP had said he'd be awed by his new appearance, intrigued and attracted, if not a little bit intimidated, but instead he was worried and unsettled… clearly something was off…

Michael flinched the moment his SQUIP materialized in front of him, wearing an equally troubled expression. His stomach filled with dread. Oh god, what if his SQUIP was mad? Michael had learned over the past two days what exactly happened when the SQUIP was displeased with him and the thought made him feel sick and slightly dizzy.

“So, clearly Jeremy Heere was unresponsive to the advancement…” His SQUIP said, clearly aggravated and Michael’s worry grew tenfold. The supercomputer seemed to mutter to itself as it opened several graphs and data banks and began sifting through them.

The silence dragged on for a couple more minutes until Michael was sure he'd pass out if it was broken.

“W-what happened?” Michael finally asked, nervous. He wasn't able to bring himself to look the SQUIP in the eyes as he picked at his nails and shifted his weight. “You said Jeremy would like this, but nothing happened… He thought something was wrong with me… Was-... Was it me? D-Did I do something wrong..?” He asked quietly.

At the question, the SQUIP paused it's reorganizing and his graphs and charts disappeared. It turned to Michael with a serious expression and stepped closer, causing Michael’s heart to jump in his chest briefly. However relief flooded his senses when the SQUIP merely reached out and placed a hand on his head, stroking through his hair soothingly.

“No, no, Mika, you’ve done nothing wrong,” The SQUIP gently assured him, “you did wonderfully. This is is a simple matter of human error on Jeremy’s part, not yours. But it's no matter. With a few minor adjustments to our plan, Jeremy will fall for you soon enough.”

Michael nodded, relaxing under the SQUIP’s praise and reassurance. He finally allowed himself to look up at it, fidgeting with his hands, “what kinda adjustments..? Why didn't Jeremy like this?”

The SQUIP shrugged, “He’s merely caught up in the past. He’ll adjust. What we need to do is something to distract him from how things were and get him to start appreciating how things are right now. We should start by focusing on surpassing Christine Caligula.”

Michael looked up at the name, confused, “Surpass her? What do you mean?”

“I mean,” the SQUIP said, as if someone had just asked him to explain a laughably simple concept, “You need to show Jeremy that you are more worthy of being with him than Christine is. You need to beat her at her own game. You're already smarter than her but that's not enough.”

Michael frowned. He didn't like the idea of competing with Christine, mostly because he liked Christine. He might be jealous of her, but she was nice and she’d always been understanding and kind towards him. She’d never judged him over his gender preference, she talked to him when he had no one else to talk to, and she’d been willing to comfort him just a few days ago after what Rich had said to him. And if memory did serve, when Christine had first formally introduced herself to Michael in the ninth grade, she'd been the first person to ever actually ask him what his preferred pronouns were, instead of just waiting for Michael to correct her. So yeah, Michael didn't like the idea of trying to prove himself better than Christine, but he didn't dare say so.

If the SQUIP had taught him anything, it was that it was never wrong. And it was never to be questioned.

Instead Michael asked, “How?”

The SQUIP smiled, “Do you recall Jeremy saying something on Friday about a certain part Christine wanted in the school play?”

Michael frowned but nodded.

The SQUIP smiled, “I have a couple of ideas in mind.”

***

Jeremy was left alone at lunch.

Most days Jeremy sat in the back corner of the cafeteria with Michael, barely touching his food, but not today apparently. Jeremy had seen Michael in the halls before entering the lunchroom, but before Jeremy could try to talk to Michael again or even say anything at all, Michael had been whisked away by Jake and Rich which, for some reason, left a real sour taste in Jeremy's mouth. Who did Jake Dillinger think he was anyway? Putting his arm around Michael like that? He didn't even know him!

Jeremy shook his head unsure why he was so upset by the whole thing and pushed the thought away. Michael was his own person. Jeremy should feel happy for him for making other friends besides himself. But still… with all that was going on, Jeremy didn't like it…

Jeremy was startled out of his thoughts by the soft clacking of a lunch tray being set down on the table across from him. Jeremy looked up, almost expecting to see Michael, but instantly turned red the moment he saw Christine sitting down across from him.

“Hey,” Christine smiled cheerfully, “You don't mind if I sit here right? This seats not taken or anything?”

Jeremy didn't trust his voice to work so he nodded quickly.

Jeremy hadn't seen Christine since play auditions on Friday and while he'd admit the conversation had gone well, he hadn't dreamed that Christine would actually talk to him outside of play rehearsal. Yet here she was.

“Cool,” Christine said and sat down. Jeremy half expected that to be the end of the conversation, but Christine spoke up again after taking a bite of her apple and swallowing, “So how was your weekend?”

Jeremy blushed, unsure how to answer without giving away the fact that his insides were melting at the thought that Christine Canigula actually cared about his life enough to ask how his weekend had been. He stuttered out a quick, “fine.”

“Well my weekend was terrible,” Christine replied quickly, “it seemed to take forever! Who knew weekends could be so long?”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow confused, “you… _wanted_ the weekend to end quickly?” He asked, surprising even himself with his lack of stammering.

“Well, kinda,” Christine explained, “I just want it to be Wednesday already,” at Jeremy's questioning look she elaborated further, “that's when Mr.Reyes is posting the casting for A Midsummer Night’s Dream, remember?”

“Oh, right, no, I knew that” Jeremy said, even though he totally hadn't.

“That's actually what I’m here about,” Christine said, leaning further over the table, “there's been talk ya know.”

“Really?” Jeremy said. He suddenly began to sweat. In Jeremy's experience, talk was never a good thing, especially when it involved him. He had no idea what Christine had heard but his plan was to deny everything. “About what..?”

“About you, silly,” Christine beamed, and while Jeremy would have liked to bask in the fact that Christine had just called him ‘silly,’ he couldn't because his stomach was currently pooling in the bottom of his feet, “Your audition totally impressed Mr.Reyes. There's a rumor that he's thinking of giving you the part of Lysander!”

Oh. Jeremy stared at Christine in surprise. He hadn't expected her to say that. And now that he was thinking about it… he hadn't expected to be this happy to hear it.

“Really?” Jeremy asked, eyes wide, “But that’s… isn't Lysander one of the main roles? It's only my first play”

“Yeah but you're a natural, Jeremy!” Christine assured him, “You’d be an amazing Lysander. And I'm hoping to get the part of Hermia, and I thought, ya know, since they're love interests, we’re gonna have to work together a lot, so here I am!” Christine spread her arms and waggled her fingers, ‘Jazz Hands’ style.

Oh man… Jeremy couldn't believe it! He was going to be a lead in the school play! Or… well… assuming he got the part… But if he did..! Jeremy didn't know why he was suddenly so excited by this prospect of it but he was. He couldn't help it. God he couldn't wait to tell Michael!

As soon as the thought crossed Jeremy's mind, his smile fell. Right. Michael. Michael who was clearly going through something right now and wouldn't let Jeremy help him. The helpless feeling that had been bothering Jeremy all day hit him once again full force.

“Jeremy?” Christine frowned, “What's wrong? Aren't you excited?” She asked, sounding disappointed.

“Oh,” Jeremy looked up and locked eyes with Christine again, his cheeks going slightly pink as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry, no, I am. I’m just… it's complicated.”

Christine seemed to think for a moment before a look of realization crossed her face, “Oh. Is this about Michael?”

Jeremy looked up at her in surprise.

“We have pre-calc together,” She explained. “I mean, he came in today like, ya know… and I knew it wasn't like him… and I wanted to say something but I don't know him that well so I didn't think I had a place to ask… but you guys are best friends, right? Are you… I mean, is there a reason to worry?”

Jeremy just kinda stared for a moment, awestruck that Christine was so concerned about Michael when she only just barely knew him and, not only that but that she had noticed something was wrong at all.

Jeremy sighed. He wasn't sure how much he should say. Most of the time Michael preferred his issues to remain private, but this wasn't a panic attack, or a burst of anger. He couldn't pretend it wasn't there and he knew Christine would keep it secret. But still he didn't feel comfortable saying too much.

“Well, if you ask him, he'll say nothing's wrong…” Jeremy admitted, “but I have a feeling it's more than he’s letting on…”

“Oh,” Christine said, biting her lip absentmindedly, “You must be worried about him, huh…"

“Yeah…” Jeremy nodded, drawing small pattern on his jeans with the pads of his fingers, “Honestly he hasn't really been himself since I saw him at the auditions last Friday…”

They were both was silent for a moment, studying the table and the room around them and not eating.

“Ya know,” Christine said, “Maybe it was something Rich said to him?”

“Rich?” Jeremy frowned, recollecting his memories of the previous Friday, “No, I mean, he was being a jerk and dead-named him, but I doubt it would have caused all this.”

Christine frowned, “No, I mean after that. During rehearsal Rich said he was going to the bathroom and left and then, like, fifteen minutes later he came back and I saw Michael look into the auditorium and leave. There's no way they didn't see each other in the hall.”

Jeremy paused thinking it over.

“Before rehearsal Michael did say he was going to find a bathroom…” Jeremy said slowly.

“Do you think maybe that's it?” Christine asked head tilted slightly. “Do you think that's why Michael's acting like this?”

Jeremy frowned, standing up and collecting his lunch tray, “I… I don't know, but I’m gonna go find out… and try not to get my ass kicked in the process.”

Christine stared up at him in surprise, pressing her lips together in concern.

“Oh… Well, good luck then…” she said after a moment, “Just be careful, okay. I hang out with Rich at play rehearsals and… well, he's a sweet guy but he can have a bit of a temper. It's like he's a totally different person sometimes…”

Jeremy stood for a moment trying to calm the nerves jumbled in his stomach before nodding. Jeremy knew better than anyone that Rich could be intimidating. In fact, he was yet to see the sweet part at all, (and questioned its existence) so he was well aware of what confronting him could mean.

But still… if there was a chance it could mean being able to help Michael, Jeremy knew he had to risk it. Michael would do it for him without a second thought.

Jeremy took a deep breath and threw the rest of his lunch away before he heard Christine speak up once again.

“Jeremy!” Christine called. “You know… I know I’m not that good friends with Michael or anything, but really… if there's anything I can do to help, you can count on me.”

Jeremy paused before smiling. Christine really was amazing…

“Thanks, Christine,” Jeremy said finally, before exiting the lunchroom.

***

Michael had managed to make it through to the end of the day, mainly by avoiding Jeremy and breathed a sigh of relief as he shut his locker.

With his backpack thrown over his shoulder, Michael made his way to the auditorium at the back of the school, waving to a few other students along the way. Kids, boys mainly, who’d approached him over the course of the day. When he finally reached the back doors to the auditorium, he paused.

“Deep breaths, Mika,” his SQUIP, assured him, “you can do this, just listen to my instructions.”

Michael nodded to himself before pushing open the door and letting them swing shut behind him. Across the room, an older, male teacher was packing his bag to leave for the day.

“Mr. Reyes?” Michael asked, walking to the other side of the room. The teacher looked at him curiously, an eyebrow raised. “I’m here about auditions for the school play.”

Mr. Reyes frowned, turning back to his papers and bag, “auditions were last Friday, I’m afraid casting has already begun.”

“I know,” Michael said quickly, “But you see, I was seriously sick last Friday and I didn't want to risk getting anyone else sick, so I was wondering if I could read for you now.”

“I’m afraid that's not possible…” Mr. Reyes trailed off, looking for a name.

“Mikayla,” Michael provided. “Mell.”

“Yes, well, I’m sorry, but there's always next year, Mikayla,” Mr. Reyes said.

“Please Mr. Reyes,” Michael pleaded, clasping his hand together in front of him, “acting is my passion and a chance to perform in one Shakespeare's famous classics only comes around so often. All I ask if that you let me read for you. Please, if you don't like it, you’ll never hear from me again, I promise.”

Mr. Reyes looked him over for a long time before sighing and pulling a sample script from his bag, offering it to Michael.

“Alright,” he said, finally, gesturing over to the stage. “Let's see what you can do.”

Michael grinned following Mr. Reyes down to the stage. To his left, Michael could see his SQUIP smiling at him.

“You know,” his SQUIP said with a smirk. “I think you’ll make a rather lovely Hermia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone asks: yes, they're doing the classical version of A Midsummer Night's Dream, because I know it inside and out and it's easier to write about for me. Plus if I can keep my content somewhat serious I'm less likely to go into crackfic mode. Lol, anywho hope you enjoyed and comment if you liked it, I love to hear feedback!


	11. Chloe

Jeremy didn't find Rich until after school.

Jeremy never drove to school with Michael in the mornings, because Michael usually slept in and he’d be late to class everyday if he did, but after school, he could usually catch a ride home or over to Michael’s. Today though, Jeremy was in the parking lot for a different reason. He was there because this is where Rich came to get a ride home from Jake in Jake’s red Honda Civic.

When Jeremy made his was across the parking lot he was almost glad that Rich was standing there alone. Not that being alone with Rich had ever been a good thing for him, it’s just, Jeremy wasn’t sure he wanted to face Jake right now as well. Jake was really irking him with how he was always hanging around Michael now, just because he was pretty and curvy and looked nice in a skirt. Not because he knew anything about him…

Jeremy hadn’t realized he’d been staring in Rich’s direction until the other boy spoke.

“What do you want, tall-ass?” Rich snapped and Jeremy flinched, not sure how exactly to start this interrogation, especially not when he was the one at risk of a swirly or wedgie or something like that if  he made the wrong move.

“I-I, um, wanted t-to ask you something,” Jeremy took a small step closer as Rich raised an eyebrow, “Ya know, a-about you h-h-hanging out with Michael.”

Rich’s expression seemed to immediately darken at the name.

“What about it?” Rich growled, “Worried your friend’s going to leave you behind in the dust?”

Jeremy frowned and tried not to over-analyze how bitter Rich sounded for some reason, “I-, uh, no… actually, I’m- I’m worried about him… He hasn’t been himself since Friday and Christine said you might have talked i-in the bathroom that day…”

Rich raised an eyebrow, “So? Yeah, I saw him in the bathroom, what about it?”

“S-so,” Jeremy gulped, not ashamed to admit he was a little bit intimidated, “I was wondering if anything was said that might have… I don’t know, lead him to come to come t-to school today like… ya know...”

Rich’s expression hardened into a glare, “What are you implying?”

“I-I’m not implying anything,” Jeremy said, “However, I am inferring that you have something to do with how Michael is acting and I wanna know what you said to him.”

Jeremy surprised even himself with that level of confidence but quickly regretted it the moment he saw the look on Rich’s face.  

“Listen, tall-ass” Rich said, suddenly stepping into Jeremy’s personal space, “I don’t know what you think is going on, but if you’re feeling left out because Michael or Mikayla or whatever you wanna call her has suddenly gained a little bit of popularity because she’s hot now and decided to ditch your dumb ass, then that’s your problem. What I said or didn’t say in that bathroom to make Michael like this is none of your fucking business. And if you keep pushing it, you’re going to seriously regret asking”

Jeremy was already regretting asking as Rich grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to his height. Jeremy thought for sure he was dead until he heard another voice cut in on their conversation, causing Rich to let go of his shirt and back away.

“Hey, Rich,” Jeremy stumbled back when he say a flash of long brown hair pass him, stepping into Rich’s space, threateningly close. Jeremy nearly choked when he recognized the voice. Chloe Valentine. “Was I just mistaken or did I just hear Jerry here say that you had something to do with this whole Mikayla bullshit?”

Rich’s eyes seemed to widen as Chloe leaned in, an evil glint in her eyes.

“I, um,” Rich stuttered, uncharacteristically nervous, “I don’t know what your talking about...”

“Oh really,” Chloe said, her voice so cold even Jeremy flinched, “because I’m pretty fucking sure you do, Richard Goranski and I wanna know what the fuck you did before I beat it out of you.”

“W-why do you wanna know!?” Rich asked, defensively. Chloe only scowled and grabbed rich by the front of the shirt, just as Rich had done to Jeremy a few moments ago.

“Because,” Chloe said, “When Michael ‘the loser’ Mell shows up in a fucking skirt and suddenly has half the school saying he’s hotter than me _and_ has Jake Dillinger fucking drooling all over him, I wanna know who the fuck is responsible. And boy you best start praying it wasn’t you.”

Jeremy almost gulped for Rich.

Rich looked panicked, “I-I didn’t say anything! It’s not-”

“Rich, I’ve known you for three years, I can tell when your lying,” Chloe snarled, “You have the next five seconds to tell the truth before you really regret pissing me off. Five… Four...”

Rich looked at her with wide eyes, “But that’s not-”

“Three.”

“Fine! Fine! Jesus,” Rich finally said, “I sold Michael a pill to make him cool last Friday in the bathroom. The pill is probably what’s telling him to dress and act the way he is.”

Jeremy blinked. A pill? To make him cool? Jeremy didn’t think such a thing was possible. He was willing to admit, he’d totally want one if they were real, but he was pretty sure they weren’t and he was pretty sure Michael would never believe it either. And if he did, why would he want one? After all, Michael would never take a pill to change his gender identity. Despite all the shit that came with it, he knew Michael liked being a guy. He didn’t want to change.

Chloe seemed to pause, releasing Rich’s shirt and leaning back, her arms folded across her chest, “A pill that makes you cool? You really expect me to believe that crap?”

“Look,” Rich said, “It’s true, it’s advanced nanotechnology. It’s from Japan. It’s this little gray pill that has this supercomputer inside it and when you take it, the computer travels through your blood and implants in your brain. Then it gives you instructions on how to act and talk to people and shit.”

Chloe looked even less impressed than before.

“It’s true,” Rich said, a hint of a lisp in his voice. He groaned as if this was painful for him to admit, “Look, I have one too. It’s activated when you drink mountain dew and it’s what’s telling Michael to act like he is, because it thinks that’s the only way Michael’s going to get what he wants.”

“You have a supercomputer in your brain?” Chloe raised an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah, but it’s off right now,” Rich explained, seemingly aggravated that Chloe wasn’t believing him, “It kept on bitching at me about Jake and Michael and shit so I deactivated it.”

“This is such bullshit, Rich,” Chloe snapped, “Just tell me what you really said to Michael and fix it so that things can go back to fucking normal.”

“Look, I’m telling you the truth, but if you don’t believe me,” Rich sighed, “I have a supplier at the mall, he works at Payless Shoes. Go ask him, he can show you. Just tell him I sent you.”

Just as Chloe was about to say more, Jake’s voice cut them all off.

“Hey Rich!” Jake smiled, walking over. He seemed to only notice Chloe when she cleared her throat, causing Jake to look over at her with a lazy smile, “Oh! Hey Chlo.” However, Jake’s attention didn’t stay on her long as he quickly turned his focus back on Rich, “Sorry I’m late, I was just looking for Mikayla. I wanted to see if she was free this weekend but she wasn’t at her locker.”

“Right, it’s cool,” Rich said slowly. Then after a moment, “Wait, but weren’t we planning to hang out this weekend? Ya know, the drive-in?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Jake said, “I just thought Mikayla could come too.”

Jeremy’s expression soured almost as much as Rich’s did.

“Anyway, let’s go,” Jake said, unlocking his car. Chloe cleared he throat again and Jake added, “Oh, yeah, see ya later, Chloe and, um, Jerry, right?”

“Jeremy,” Jeremy corrected, aggravated.

“Right, see ya, Jeremy,” Jake smiled.

And with that, the two boys climbed in Jake’s Honda Civic and pulled away, leaving Jeremy standing there with Chloe Valentine and more questions than he had answers.

Could Rich have really been telling the truth? Could there really be pill that could make you cool? Could there really be a supercomputer implanted in Michael’s head?

Jeremy was pulled out of thought when he heard Chloe’s voice and turned to see her on her phone. Jeremy hadn’t even seen her take it out but now she had it pressed to her ear, a serious expression on her face.

“Hey, Brooke, where are you right now?” Chloe asked, pausing to listen, “Cool, perfect, stay right there. I need you to do me a favor, can you drive us to the mall? … No it’s not for shopping, we’re still on for this weekend… Listen, I’ll explain on the way, just can you? … Okay, good. You’re the best, see you in, like, two minutes.”

With that Chloe hung up and locked eyes with Jeremy, a perfectly arched eyebrow raised.

“I- um,” Jeremy stuttered, not sure what he was supposed to say.

“Well?” Chloe asked, “Are you coming?”

Jeremy gave her a confused look, “C-coming where?”  

Chloe looked at him as if he were clueless.

“To the mall, genius,” she said. “Do you wanna find out if what Rich said was true or not? Brooke’s driving, so are you in or are you out?”

Jeremy was stunned. “Why do you care so much? You don’t even know Michael...”

Chloe rolled her eyes, “I care because I’m not about to let my reputation be ruined just because Rich decided to give Michael a make-over he probably doesn’t even want. Look, you wanna help your friend, I want Jake to stop making googly eyes at him. Now you can either accept my help and follow me to Brooke’s car, or I’ll just fix this by myself. So I ask you again, are you in or are you out?”

Jeremy frowned. Chloe Valentine was not his first choice as an ally when it came to saving Michael, but he was willing to admit that he would never have gotten anything out of Rich if it hadn’t been for her. Chloe was tougher and scarier than Jeremy and she always got what she wanted. If Jeremy was going to get to the bottom of this, he could really use her help, despite her motives being somewhat selfish.

After a moment, Jeremy nodded, “I’m in.”

“Good,” Chloe said, folding her arms across her chest and turning on her heels to cross the parking lot at a brisk pace. Jeremy had to jog to keep up.

They walked for a moment in silence before Jeremy spoke up again.

“Um, thanks, by the way,” He said, “For helping me out back there...”

Chloe huffed.

“No problem,” she said, “But a word of advice, next time you decide to go up against Rich, hit the gym a couple times first. That boy could hand your scrawny ass to you seven different way.”

“Right...” Jeremy gave a nervous chuckle.

“Don’t worry,” Chloe said after a moment, rolling her eyes, “As long as we’re helping each other out, I’ll scare away the big bad bullies for you.”

Jeremy gave a quiet smile, sensing the sincerity under Chloe’s teasing.

“Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A think a Honda Civic is a cool car???? Idk anything about cars???? So??????
> 
> Rich turned his Squip off because it kept bitching at him for getting jealous of Michael and also, For those of you who think Rich got away with telling Jeremy and Chloe about Squips too easily, just you wait... *Ominous smirking*
> 
> Also, Chloe and Jeremy Friendship!! I just like it. I like Chloe. I love Chloe.
> 
> I'm sorry this took so long, tbh I wrote this chapter in like two hours, at, like, two in the morning, so it might be trash??? I don't know yet??? My sleep deprived mind is proud of it, though, so here ya go.


	12. Payless Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, okay, after way too long a break I am back. And I'd like to thank everyone for showing their support, it was really great to see everyone's kind messages. I'm glad to say my dad's doing much better now and things seem to be getting back to normal. There may still be a bit of a pause between updates but I hope to get them out more frequently than this one. But anywho, back to the story!

It didn't hit Jeremy that there was something very, very wrong with this situation until he was sitting in the back seat of Brooke’s mom’s car with Chloe and Brooke on the way to the Menlo Park Mall to meet a possible drug dealer of some kind. However, by that time, it seemed a little too late to back out of anything unless he wanted to do a barrel roll out of a moving car. 

A moving car, being driven by the two hottest girls in school.

How was this a thing? He was frozen still, scared one false move would mess everything up and he’d be right back to being called a pervert by these two. He still wasn’t completely sure why they were talking to him in the first place. He was honestly a little scared that this was all some kind of prank but… he supposed he was hoping against hope that it wasn’t because wasn’t this what he always wanted? To be accepted by these guys?  But now that it was happening… Jeremy was scared shitless. 

“Okay,” Chloe broke the silence, looking back at Jeremy through the rear view mirror,  “Since you’re obviously too scared to ask, I’ll just tell you. The only reason I'm helping you is because I’m not losing my title as hottest girl in school, or Jake’s attention to Michael freakin’ Mell, okay? You want your best friend back to normal, I want Jake to stop making goo-goo eyes at him. I figured we might as well help each other out. And until we both have what we want, you don't have to worry about me going total bitch mode on you. So stop looking like you're expecting to be hit or something. Got it?”

Chloe raised a perfectly angled eyebrow in the mirror. 

“I- Um, y-yeah- Yes,” Jeremy replied, his voice sounding awkward to his own ears, “Got it…”

Chloe did not look impressed but she nodded regardless, “Good.”

When Chloe finally took her eyes off him, Jeremy finally relaxed a little, reminding himself to breathe. This was okay. This was just some kind of temporary alliance. He could handle that. At least for the time it took to get Michael back to normal. 

***

Jeremy rarely came to the mall but when he did it was usually to go to Spencer’s Gifts or Newbury Comics with Michael. He didn't spend a whole lot of time at Payless Shoes. Jeremy was thankful for that fact once he walked inside the store and saw the kid at the counter. 

The kid at the counter in front of Jeremy was tall, bulky with a thick beard and sunglasses, although Jeremy wasn't sure why given the fact they were inside. He wore way too much black and frowned upon seeing the three of them enter. Jeremy shrank back, but Chloe squared her shoulders confidently and scowling back and Brooke didn't seem to care whether she was being stared down or not. 

Chloe walked up to the counter, a determined look in her eyes and she leaned against the counter and spoke, “Rich sent us. He said you were a friend of his.”

The guy looked Chloe up and down over the top of his sunglasses and raised an eyebrow in suspicion. 

“Why would Rich send  _ you _ ?” He asked. 

“To confirm his story,” Chloe replied, undeterred, “He says we can get something here called a SQUIP. That true?”

“That depends,” The stock boy said, drumming his fingers on the table. His fingernails were painted black… “You got the cash to pay for it?”

“How much?” Chloe asked. 

“Four hundred,” The stock boy said, easily and Jeremy tensed. He didn’t have that kinda money on him and he doubted either Chloe or Brooke did. Maybe if he dipped into his Barmittzpha Money...  

“How bout I offer you something even better?” Chloe replied after a moment, “All we want is a little… information on your product. And if what Rich told us is true, I know more than a few lost souls who would kill to get their hands on what your offering. So you tell us what you know and I’ll send some business your way. If all works out, you’ll be making a lot more than four hundred. Deal?”

Jeremy blinked in amazement. There was no way he could think that fast on his feet but Chloe… Chloe was actually really clever. Even if Jeremy wasn’t sure how he felt about more kids with SQUIPs in their heads if they all did what they did to Michael…

The stock boy thought over Chloe’s proposition for a long moment, as if working it out in his head. Finally he gave the smallest trace of a smile and nodded, “Deal.”

A moment later and the scary stock boy had ducked into a backroom and emerged a second later with a pink shoebox. 

“This here,” The stock boy explained, “is a SQUIP.” 

“SQUIPs are… ladies running shoes?” Jeremy questioned. 

The stock boy stared at him for a moment like he was a moron and Chloe gave him a look that told him to shut up and let her do the talking. Jeremy closed his mouth and obeyed. She seemed to be doing a much better job at this than him anyway. 

The four of them turned their attention back to the book as the stock boy lifted the lid and produced a small plastic bag. Inside was a small gray pill, the size of his pinky nail. It looked harmless enough that Jeremy couldn’t imagine it being the source of Michael's sudden and drastic change. 

“What does it do?” Brooke asked, staring at the pill in curiosity. 

“This,” The stock boy said, seriously, “Is the world’s most powerful and advanced nano-supercomputer in the world. Take on of these with Mountain Dew and the computer inside the pill will travel through your blood, up to your brain where it’ll implant itself and directly tell you how to achieve your goals.”

“Why the Mountain Dew?” Chloe raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know why exactly,” He admitted, “But something about it. It’s the only way I’ve figured of turning it on.”

“And turning it off?” Chloe asked eyes narrowed, “It’s a computer. If you have to turn it on, you can turn it off too, right?”

“Well yeah,” the stock boy confirmed, “but it’s tricky. The only way to turn it back off is with Mountain Dew Red. But that shit was discontinued in the 90s. Only way you can get it now is either if you have a hook-up or if you can find it online. But there isn’t exactly a vast soda market on Amazon and I’ve yet to see and M.D.R being sold anywhere.”

“And there’s no other way,” Jeremy piped up, biting his lip. He didn’t know where the hell to get Mountain Dew Red. Sometime Michael showed up to school with vintage sodas but Jeremy never thought to question where he got them and there was no way Michael would tell him if he knew he was trying to change him back…

“Not unless you wanna try surgically removing it,” the stock boy confirmed and Jeremy’s shoulders slumped. Great. “Anything else?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s it,” Chloe replied, straightening. 

“And if any lost souls come looking for some...  _ guidance _ ,” the stock boy said, “Who exactly should they say sent them so I know you kept up your end of the bargain?”

Chloe flipped her hair over her shoulder before replaying easily, “Madelyn.”

“Well then, Madelyn,” The stock boy said, “I trust I’ll be seeing some friends of yours pretty soon.” 

As they left the store, Jeremy caught up to Chloe and asked in a whisper, “Why’d you give him a fake name?”

“It’s not a fake name,” Chloe replied, “It’s just not mine. And I didn’t give him my name because I don’t want that creep knowing who I am. He was gross. Did you see what he was wearing?”

“But when you send people to him they’re not gonna say Madelyn sent them,” Jeremy frowned, “They’re going to say you sent them… Who are you going to send him anyway..?”

Chloe gave a slight chuckled, shaking her head, “Please, I’m not sending him anyone. Idiot stock boy in there was too dumb to realize he has no way of making me follow through on my end of the bargain and there's no way I’m sending anyone in there just so that they can become another Michael situation.”   
Jeremy had to admit it. Chloe was clever… 

“Okay,” Jeremy said, “So now we know Rich was telling the truth. And we know how to shut it off… Now the only question is where do we get Mountain Dew Red. I-I mean, I don’t know about you guys but I don’t have any vintage soda hook-ups...”

“Well,” Chloe said, “Guess that leaves us with the internet. Stock boy might not have found anything but with all three of us searching we’re bound to find something, right? 

“Right,” Brooke agreed, braiding a strand of golden hair down the middle of her face in boredom and going slightly cross-eyed in the process, “Four of us if we can get Jenna to help, too.”

“Good thinking,” Chloe agreed, patting the other girl affectionately on the head, “The more of us there are searching the easier this’ll be. We could use some extra help.”

Jeremy felt his cheeks heat slightly as Chloe’s comment made him remember Christine in the cafeteria earlier that afternoon at lunch, saying,  _ “I know I’m not that good friends with Michael or anything, but really… if there's anything I can do to help, you can count on me.” _

Jeremy tried to cool his heated cheeks before replying, “I think I know someone who can help us too.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't tell me the girls + Jeremy wouldn't make an awesome team. :DDD 
> 
> Also if you think Chloe's being honest when she says Jake's affection and her popularity are her only reasons for helping, you're very wrong.


End file.
